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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How can i improve our relationship

11 replies

Bubblenum · 20/03/2025 18:43

been with partner for 10 years and we always go through “dry spells” where we don’t have sex for months then we may have it one night and then nothing again for months and the longer it goes without us being intimate i become more withdrawn from our relationship and i find it harder to be intimate again as it’s been so long since we did. i find it hard to get back into the swing of things if that makes sense. I do wish things would be more romantic sometimes as majority of the time it’s “shall we have sex” and i don’t get excited from that. ide like it to naturally happen because we both want to and because we’re feeling connected. When we are intimate it’s the same position everytime and i try to suggest other ones but he says no. he doesn’t seem to want to see my face when we are intimate so i get the feeling that he just wishes it were someone else he was doing it with. Most couples i know are being intimate 2-3 x a week and i feel like it’s once every couple months for me if im lucky. we go for weekends away too and have the best time but sex doesn’t happen. I just wandered if maybe im the issue? should i lose some weight maybe? we’re both 30

OP posts:
2024onwardsandup · 20/03/2025 19:05

Sounds like he’s not very good at satisfying you

RedJamDoughnut · 20/03/2025 19:17

Dates each other again, text during the day avoud the mundaind whats for dinner, try sexting.
Do you remember when you first met and how you couldn't keep your hands off each other.
Have a conversation do you both want to change the relationship?? It takes time and you have to prioritise the relationship but it can improve.

Gymbunny2025 · 20/03/2025 19:22

I would say don’t change you… change your partner! Do you really want this for the rest of your life?!

OchreRaven · 20/03/2025 19:24

For me the worst sign is the fact he isn’t willing to try a different position even after you ask him. He’s not interested in pleasing you. I could deal with less frequent sex if when it did happen we were connected and I felt desired. Doesn’t sound like that’s the case.

Do you have children? If not I would leave. If end up having kids it will get 100x worse. You’re only 30. Do you want to feel like this for the rest of your life?

Bolscassis · 20/03/2025 19:25

You’re too young for this shit. Sounds like you’re more friends or housemates. Move on.

AllrightNowBaby · 20/03/2025 19:28

Why does he not want to see your face?
Have you asked him?
I’d find this really insulting.

Twobigbabies · 20/03/2025 19:32

This sounds miserable and terrible for your self esteem. If no kids definitely leave asap! You are much too young to settle for this. If you have kids with him it will get much worse.

MsGoodenough · 20/03/2025 19:38

Leave OP. Don't be me and stick around for another 30 years. I felt guilty splitting up as he was such a wonderful man, but that's actually why I should have done as I've ruined his life.

Maitri108 · 20/03/2025 19:47

It's sounds awful OP. He doesn't want to see your face? That's not intimate or loving at all and sounds very dehumanising.

It sounds like he's using you as a masturbatory aid and I wouldn't have sex with him again.

Geesgirl · 20/03/2025 22:15

I had this, I left.

I now get rogered senseless by my lovely boyfriend and I'm so happy I walked.

MsGoodenough · 26/03/2025 20:41

I'm so jealous @Geesgirl. I went back when DD was still little and deeply regret it. Now not in a position health wise to leave again and DD much older and it would mess her up. I don't think I'll ever experience falling in love and passionate sex and that kills me.

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