Should I go out on my own?

[Mystical1981]

I've been with my partner for 9 years when we first got together we started going to music nights together since then we have travelled the UK going to music nights (especially rnb and reagge nights). It's always been out thing and we have always gone together. Next month my partner has been invited out to his friends 40th birthday and it happens to be on the same night as a music event. So I said to him that's fine you go to your thing and I will go to the music event on my own im fine with that. He started saying he didn't want me to go on my own and that I was out of order for going and that he would never do that to me. He then started saying he won't go to his friends birthday and will go to the music event with me instead. I said no your friend has brought tickets for you and it's his birthday. I said I'm fine going to the music event on my own. I haven't mentioned it since but I'm still planning on going to the event but I'm worried about mentioning it again just incase he tells his friend he isn't going to his birthday and then i will feel terrible. Am I wrong for this? He's made me feel im in the wrong.

Do you not have a friend to go with?

Of course you should go

He sounds like a controlling prick. Why is he so obsessively against you not going to an event solo?

And yes, this. Never limit your life because of someone else’s insecurities.

I think it's perfectly fine for you to go alone to a music night. Why not? Even if it's your thing together, you've been going together for 9 years. The occasional solo night won't outweigh all of those times and you don't need to do everything together. He's being silly.

I assume this is because he is controlling and misogynistic - ugh. But perhaps it is laced with galloping fomo: he can't bear to miss out in something you enjoy so he thinks you shouldn't enjoy it either to make it fair.

So he's either a prick, or a baby and a prick.

He's not planning on missing his friend's birthday event - he's expecting you'll just agree not to go to the music event without him.

No but I don't mind going on my own. Also we do have friends at the events that we have made over the years

Go. Don’t let him clip your wings or even think it’s normal. His comments are controlling and selfish.

Have you asked him why it is an issue that you go to separate events? Just because you are a couple doesn't mean you can't do things alone.
The only justification is that he might fear for your physical safety, but then you taking a friend would mitigate that?
Otherwise he is being controlling and I would make it clear to him that you know that and go ahead and do what you want, as long as you feel you are not at risk of physical violence from him. If you are leave now.

Absolutely go on your own. Don’t be surprised if he comes too, though. He may be keeping quiet but has made his plans already.

He sounds insecure.
You should go out on your own more and if he objects it’s a red flag.

Thanks everyone I started to feel like I was being out of order for wanting to go on my own. I will go it will be good for us to do things alone aswell

I would go to this event on your own and also consider if you want to remain with him going forward (the correct answer here is no). Keeping you in a cage of his own paranoid making is unacceptable.

He could well make you pay somehow for your imagined transgression re this music event in his head. Be prepared. Go to this event anyway.

She’s happy to go on her own though ?

Well, yes, that’s what everyone is finding so worrying in your post! And that your immediate response was guilt that he might end up telling his friend he ‘couldn’t’ go to the friend’s party. If he does, that’s on him.

Of course you should go! I go on holiday on my own and leave Dh at home. I mean it would be lovely if we could go together, but logistics and responsibilities mean it isn’t possible for us both to be away from home for that long. So I go alone. It’s wonderful!

There's absolutely no reason a grown woman can't go to a music event on her own.
So don't let him try and convince you it's for your own safety.
You can take an uber to mitigate walking if it's in a rough area.

I was visiting a friend in Italy a few years ago whilst DH stayed home with the dcs. He found out one of "our" bands was doing a spot gig there that night and bought me a ticket immediately, he wanted me to enjoy it for both of us.

And other times DH has gone to see acts I would have loved to have seen but couldn't for whatever reason.

That's normal behaviour.

So go and enjoy it, and if your dp continues making it an issue, he knows where the door is.

Of course go! I often go alone to music events. I am there to watch the music.