Despairing

[Nocluewhattodo22]

A little background- Singie mum for 10 years, dd left home last year , no family or local friends.Nowhere to turn if things go wrong
working in a job which doesn’t pay much. Feel constantly stressed. Dream about work most nights recently - have I forgotten something? Had proper nightmares too. I’ve not been told my performance is an issue and have been doing the job for many years.
Can’tdecide whatever to sell up and move away somewhere cheaper - would then have a whilenot working which could be a blessing or a curse.ie rest nice but would I get another job?
Head also full of things that went wrong when bringing up dd- eg why did she lie to me so much, was it my fault? She’s now very successful and has an amazing job and it’s lovely when we meet up!
I have very little confidence in my abilities and am terrified of trying new things. I feel exhausted with everything and feel like I’m wishing away the next 10 years or so until I retire.
Just hoping someone can help 😊

How do you spend your time outside of work? Sometimes it is good to have a refresh of the things you can control. Are you trying new things? Are getting outside regularly for exercise, if you are physically tired you often sleep better. Swimming is great for completely clearing your head as you just count lengths and focus on your stroke.

Are you eating healthily? Are you socialising enough?

Then with work is there anything you can change? If not, can you just take a deep breath and take the next few minutes at a time and turn up and do it.

I know this sounds like a long list but I found trying anything different was really helpful and looking for little things, like trying something new to eat or going a different way when walking.

I completely changed career at the age of 50 and it was a ray of sunshine, dragged me out of a rut at a time when the family were fleeing the nest and generally gingered me up.

Is this something that you could research? I was a social worker but changed into a freelance photographer, picture editor, singing workshop leader, arts outreach coordinator, community choirs leader. Could not have been more different!

Do you have any interests from long past, or talents that went unused? Or something that you always fancied trying but never got around to?

Could you find the courage to think out of the box and look forward.

We all have regrets about the past and concerns about how we parented and the mistakes we might or might not have made, but the future is the way to go. Looking back does not help.

If financially you might be able to have a "while not working" then plan how you might use that time to forward future plans - e.g. do a course in something that might have earning potential - I did a part time photography course and it opened up lots of doors for me.

Above all you need to try and find a way to think positively about yourself and sell yourself as someone to be valued. Try writing down all the things you have achieved rather than dwelling on those things that did not go perfectly. You brought up a daughter on your own - that is an achievement - She’s now very successful and has an amazing job and it’s lovely when we meet up! - sounds perfect to me!

My DDs learned a lot from how I made the career jump - notably that you can do new things and make fundamental changes and need not be stuck in a rut.

I hope you will find a way to move forward at this new stage in your life - the world is your oyster!

Thank you for the replies ☺️
My head is just in such a jumble I just can’t think properly. I’m scared of things going wrong eg moving away then not finding a job then losing all my money,etc

It’s almost like I’m paralysed with fear so I do nothing

Maybe going back on antidepressants will help ?

Let’s start with the important stuff - your daughter. I know in many ways I was a terrible parent when my kids were young, but they’ve grown into decent, happy people. Sounds like yours is the same - so don’t stress, job done!
Second - please please don’t give up your job without another to go to, not unless you don’t need the money and can be sure of picking up something else that suits. For me, not working and being alone at age 60 can make life feel very empty. It’s not the money, it’s the structure and the human contact.
So look around for sure, but try to find location, job, whatever that all works, not just one thing that’s perfect and the rest is ‘suck it and see’.
The sun is shining - get out and enjoy it. Book some holidays - even the shortest of breaks- give yourself something to look forward to.
Just try to do some different things, meet different people, go to different places; just break your routine.
Now I’ve got to try to follow my own advice because I need to drag myself up and out of my own mental mire……

Thank you @Bittenonce
yes I think moving and then stressing about getting a new job may make things worse. However I could move to a nicer place nearby and look for a new job too, but stay in my current job until I get an offer. ?

I feel like my current job and the working environment is dragging me down too 😢

That sounds like a plan!
I moved last year and - solicitor induced stress aside - getting the old place looking good to sell, house hunting, then decorating, refurnishing etc etc gave me a real focus.

If you are or have been diagnosed as clinically depressed and you feel this is a factor in your current inertia and fear then talking to the GP makes sense.
Antidepressants in the right circumstances can be very helpful. They could give you the strength to make the changes. Only a medic can decide this.
If given appropriate tell they can be a big help.

This is a very irresponsible post. Antidepressants in diagnosed clinical depression are life savers. Neither you nor I know whether they are appropriate for the OP and it is entirely wrong to post as you have with such a negative and inaccurate opinion.
Depression is a serious illness ... to out someone off seeking help with this is reckless ans irresponsible.

Put, not out

Unhappy at work and at home is difficult to deal with, it can feel like there’s no escape. Get one bit right and the other is easier to manage. But try to tackle one thing at a time. If you’re struggling , don’t try to change the world in one go.

Thank you all. I was prescribed antidepressants for anxiety/ocd but stoped last year I’m thinking maybe I stopped too soon

Being anxious will stand in the way of moving forward so diagnosis and help with that could be a first step.
Lots of people stop their meds too soon because they are so pleased to be feeling better. And because there are folks who will make them feel they are weak to be using them and then they begin to feel bad about that.
See what the doc says about it.

There are ways of moving forward from the place you are in at the moment and you need to take all the help you can get to achieve this.

@Mischance thank you ☺️
inhad a diagnosis years ago and have tried various pills, counselling,,etc over the years - none of it helped unfortunately