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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Postpartum and going through abuse :(

17 replies

help123452 · 19/03/2025 23:17

I really don’t know where to start and I don’t know why I’m here. I’m just very alone.

i have 2 teenagers and a 7 years old from a previous relationship (they see dad all is fine)
I have a 9 week old baby with my new partner.
we have our own houses as we was deciding what to do living arrangements. Which house to keep or sell etc etc however I’m so glad I still have my own house …..

during pregnancy he turned into a total monster. I was so alone. Sometimes he’d be somewhat around and looking forward to baby other times he was verbally abusive, neglectful and generally cold and cruel. I was stupidly hoping he’d get better when baby came.
he was at the birth and was fantastic in the hospital and seemed a very proud dad.
obviously it hasn’t lasted
he has a bad temper with everything. From road rage, to rage at work, and rage with me
he takes his moods out on me. He’s not once helped in the night he goes to sleep at his own house. I’m exauhsted.
he has told me I’m fat (baby weight) and to start walking more. He’s told me I’m an ugly bitch he’s told me the baby deserves a better mum and I can’t give him a good up bringing because I’m not good enough. He’s told me I’m the biggest mistake in his life and that I snore like a walrus just all sorts of awful stuff. if I buy baby a new set of baby grows or anything to wear (with my own money) he tells me to stop spending on shit the baby don’t need. I bought baby a propa big teddy thing for his pushchair as mums do again with my own money and he was annoyed at that and said the baby doesn’t give a shit about that stuff. I just can’t do nothing right.
he says I’m lazy and I do nothing but I’m looking after 4 children. School runs. Newborn night feeds. The house. Cooking. Cleaning. I still work from home on my laptop part time for myself.
I literally don’t stop. He’s not allowed me to enjoy this new baby stage I’m heart broken.
he tells me whatever man I get next will leave me

I’ve told him it’s over. He keeps asking to see the baby but I’ve told him I don’t want him here or around me whilst he’s being abusive and calling me names and his reply is “I don’t say these things for no reasons it’s facts”
I’ve told him it’s abuse and he needs to stop and he says “you feeling insulted isn’t my problem” just let me see my son you silly cunt.

honestly he’s just a monster. I asked him if he could help me a bit this week money wise as I’d been and bought baby milk and everything and he called me a greedy cunt and told me to budget better.

honestly I don’t know what to do I am so so low and so sad. He’s made me hate myself. I should be enjoying my baby and this special time.
because of him calling my appearance I’ve hardly been eating so my milk supply has gone down so much so I’m having to use formula now. I’m so lonely and so sad
I’ve told my family and they don’t take it seriously at all
my teen girls are my best friends they are my rock. Bless them.
I give 100% to the kids I don’t do anything for myself I don’t know why he is so cruel to me
I tell him please stop I’ve just had a baby and he says I’m deluded it was 9 weeks ago I’ve not just had a baby

I’m exauhsted and depressed and I don’t know how to go forward :(

OP posts:
NavyTiger · 19/03/2025 23:27

I'm so sorry to hear this the only cunt is him stick to your guns and don't get back with him, I'd write everything down that he's said to you and keep as evidence and if he wants contact let him take you to court for access please please don't take him back he will ruin yours and your children's life I've been there

AmberKoala · 19/03/2025 23:30

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Triakne · 19/03/2025 23:36

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry you're going through this. He is an utter abusive shit and you've done the right thing ending the relationship. Massive well done for that.
I'd suggest reduce any contact you have with him to reduce his opportunity to verbally abuse you. Go through the child support people to get child maintenance in place and block the fucker.
Don't take his words to heart. You sound a lovely person and he is the ugly one in his soul. Please don't let him stress you. Just focus on your baby and your family and let him sod off. Get lots of rest and look after yourself well, eat well and give yourself some tlc. Take the power back and focus on you and your family.

Triakne · 19/03/2025 23:37

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Not helpful..why kick a person when they are down?

Wintersgirl · 19/03/2025 23:39

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Not helpful at all, the baby's here so why berate the OP? More importantly her partner is being an abusive cunt...

Maitri108 · 19/03/2025 23:39

OP you're doing the right thing by asking him to keep away. If he has a key to your place then change the locks.

Get in contact with a domestic abuse organisation, you'll find your local one on the council website.

Get a video doorbell and ensure your house is safe. Keep a diary of his abusive behaviour and if he gets aggressive contact the police.

Apply for CMS.

todayisagreatday · 19/03/2025 23:40

@AmberKoalaWhy oh why did you comment? Did you think you were adding anything useful? you sound like a twat. I have no advice op sorry but I am so sorry for what you’re going through, I hope things improve for you soon

Safxxx · 19/03/2025 23:40

Block him you don't need to listen to his crap, please look after yourself as you got a little baby who totally relies on you. Get your milk supply back by keeping yourself nourished as formula will cost you a lot in the long run. Accept he will not change your on your own so just prioritise yourself and your kids.

teenmaw · 19/03/2025 23:43

@AmberKoala …do fuck off

OP this is a nightmare situation for you. Please cut contact with this horror. He will only get worse, he sounds a psycho. Is he on the birth cert? If not even better. Let him pursue you through court… hopefully hell get fed up and piss off to find a new supply to feed his narcissism. Awful man.

Wintersgirl · 19/03/2025 23:45

OP you can't live with this abusive bastard, it's ruining your mental health and what should be a lovely special time your little baby, is there anywhere you can go? I don't feel you or the baby are safe with this pig of a man...

Charliecatpaws · 19/03/2025 23:46

Maitri108 · 19/03/2025 23:39

OP you're doing the right thing by asking him to keep away. If he has a key to your place then change the locks.

Get in contact with a domestic abuse organisation, you'll find your local one on the council website.

Get a video doorbell and ensure your house is safe. Keep a diary of his abusive behaviour and if he gets aggressive contact the police.

Apply for CMS.

Please take this advice. You don’t deserve this shit in your life and neither do your children. Good luck x

arabellacanella · 19/03/2025 23:48

Get rid of the nasty shit! You don't deserve to be putting up with his abuse and crap. Keep him out.

You are bloody brilliant, a good mum and worth ten of him. Keep strong, push forward and focus on your children.

I am speaking from my own personal experience. It gets better and easier in time. You just need to keep this toxic man away from you. Wish you all the best x

Wintersgirl · 19/03/2025 23:50

I hope you're ok and safe OP, you need to get away from the shit, start making plans to escape and remember to come back here and talk if you want, loads of posters have been through the same thing and will offer brilliant advice......well there's always one poster that doesn't as you've found out!

JadeMember · 19/03/2025 23:54

I’m sorry you are going through this. My only little input is that please do not worry about your weight and keep up with the nutrition. Your new baby and your children will need you to be strong and healthy

Wintersgirl · 19/03/2025 23:57

JadeMember · 19/03/2025 23:54

I’m sorry you are going through this. My only little input is that please do not worry about your weight and keep up with the nutrition. Your new baby and your children will need you to be strong and healthy

Yeah I bet he's no oil painting...dickhead

PinkArt · 20/03/2025 00:11

It takes a special kind of prick to be so unpleasant to the woman who just gave birth to his child.
That's so good that you've told him it's over. Great work on that front. Now you need to get practical.
Are you safe - does he have a key to your house, do you have or can you get something like a ring doorbell? Speak to Womens Aid and the CAB to see what advice or help they can offer.
Beyond being safe, you need to eat. If you don't have the money right now, get to a food bank, so you can keep yourself and in turn your baby fed. Its admirable that you put the kids first but you need to look after yourself too.
Then you need to look forwards. Get a claim in through the CMS for the money your baby is entitled to from their dad. Keep comms with him written down so any threats are recorded. Don't speak to him, don't see him. If he pushes for access that should only be done in a way that you and your baby are safe.
You've got this. You are not the problem, that cunt is the problem, and the longer you're away from him the easier it will be to see that.

JadeMember · 20/03/2025 00:19

Wintersgirl · 19/03/2025 23:57

Yeah I bet he's no oil painting...dickhead

Edited

Amen to that!

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