Flirty texting

[Rebelrebelcat]

Hi, I've been single for a loooooong time, just over 4 years and completely out the dating scene.. Anyway I've recently been chatting to a guy I met online, we have met up once after a week of chatting and we are meeting again this Saturday.... Haven't slept with him, we find each other attractive and we are both early 40s....however, I am completely out the game of flirty texting... He says the odd thing and I just don't know how to reply so I just don't! For instance tonight I've said I'm looking forward to getting in bed and he replied with 'I bet you'd look forward to it more I I was there' then it got onto snoring and he said who said anything about sleeping then I said oh last all night can you?
And he put you will have to find out.... And I just don't know how to reply to that! I dobt want to sleep with him yet. I want to wait till at least the 3rd or 4th date and that's if I feel ready then..... I don't really like sexting and all that, specially when I've only met him the once.... Am I just being stupid??! I've not dated in over 10 years!!

No you aren’t being stupid at all.

I’ve found it easier to send flirty/suggestive messages when i feel more comfortable with someone.

Only do what you feel comfortable doing.

You can flirt back and say what you want

"Last all night can you?"
"You'll have to find out"
"Something to look forward to... I hope you have the patience of a saint to wait for me, you little devil"

If you don’t like sexting then don’t do it. I’d be put off tbh. You’ve met once and it’s just so fucking tedious that everything you currently say is being twisted into something sexual.

stick with your original plan of seeing how it goes and seeing how you feel if you get 4 or so dates in. Boundaries are a good thing

I was thinking of putting something like that, just didn't know how to word it without sounding too keen.... But what you put is perfect!

It is tedious! He has done it a few times, before we even met and I told him I cant be flirty with someone I've not even met yet...
He told me he's patient and happy to wait until I feel comfortable to flirt but he still texts things..... I guess he's just testing the water 🤔

Yeah he’s testing the water and where your boundaries are. And that’s fine - it’s normal to sex chat in a new relationship - part of the excitement!

But there’s something off putting about a man who makes constant double entendres and tees up all conversations to fit a sex narrative. I’d have the ick tbh

you’ve not yet decided if you are comfortable with him yet and you don’t yet know if you want to have sex with him yet. So don’t feel worried about applying the brakes … if he fucks off, you have your answer. If he respects you and goes at your pace - there’s another answer

Agree with this. So many men can’t go more than about 3 messages without turning it sexual. It’s like trying to have an adult conversation with Jay from The Inbetweeners.

OP - don’t feel you have to respond with sexual messages just because he’s steering you before you’re ready. Just ignore the sexual innuendos and steer the chat back.

I do think if he continues to push the sexual chat then it’s a red flag that maybe hrs only interested in pushing for sex rather than an actual relationship. Or he’s immature and that’s his level of communication which is very off putting imo

Keep your boundaries OP - if he doesn’t respect that, then he’s not a keeper.

@Rebelrebelcat or pushing his luck?? It would annoy me, especially if I have already said i don't feel comfortable. 🫤

Thanks for everyone's input so far... Given me food for thought

It's very very new, literally 3 weeks of texting and one date... I have children so my lifestyle is pretty hectic, he doesn't have children but seems to understand my situation.

I guess there is alot to find out about each other and that will come the more we meet.... I've since made him aware that he needs to be patient with me but I'm looking forward to finding things out.

This all depends what you want, what you are comfortable with. If you’re happy to agree now, after 1 date, that you’re going to sleep with him, let me do what he wants: then fine, carry on. Because that’s what he’s checking now - if he can do whatever he wants. He’s after sex, not a relationship or commitment. If that’s all you want , then all is good. But that is all we wants from you. He sees a woman who hasn’t had a relationship for a long time, who’ll be grateful. I’m not speaking as a MN ‘they’re all bastards don’t trust them’ poster, nor as myself, just as a man who recognizes men I’ve worked with who speak more openly with other men, and from women friends who’ve been in your position.

I'd find it off-putting if someone couldn't have five minutes of text conversation without bringing sex into it. Whether or not I was keen to have sex with them, it's immature and suggests he hasn't got much else to talk about.

To do it before you'd even met would have had me cancelling any planned dates in all honesty

I agree. In my OLD days it was an instant unmatch

Urgh he's not a very skilled flirt, is he. That's more tedious than a stray humping your leg. If you like him otherwise I would be quite straightforward and say, 'that's right, we'll wait a bit longer before finding out those details'.

Look, all this 'ooh really, do you now, like it hard, do you, wait and see, nudge nudge?' carry on shit it is so BORING and prurient and unsexy. Nobody good in bed has ever chuntered on like that in my experience.

Ugh I agree with this. I've now been in a committed relationship for ten years with someone who I didn't meet from OLD.

But I still did my fair share of about 3 years of POF, Match etc before that.
I learned that if they're talking that way with you before an actual relationship, then a relationship isn't what they're after.

I bought the T-shirt on this one so I know what I'm talking about! 😂 If fun is what you're after with this one, then go for it. If not, then I would toss Mr Horny back in to the sea!

Well, quite apart from anything else, what he’s saying isn’t remotely attractive or flirtatious — I mean, talk about snoring and telling the OP, whom he’s met once and not slept with, that she’d look forward to getting into bed more if he were there?

I mean, it’s more the school of teenage fnar-fnar than flirting.

Ugh it’s too soon for this kind of weak innuendo.

It’s pressurising and immature.

Yes, that’s a better way of characterising it. It’s innuendo, not flirtation. And I would have said likely to have the opposite effect to the one intended.

I would go with something light hearted and teasing but also making it clear it’s too much. E.g. ‘lol calm down’ or just don’t respond to the lines you find cringe. He’ll get the message. Flirty banter without the sexting. Way too soon for that.

To add in my OLD days I found the ones who sent messages like they were Jay from the inbetweeners or in a carry on film were the ones who just wanted a shag and weren’t really fussy who it was with.

You know if they’re sending sexual innuendo messages before you’ve even met them they’re sending same messages to multiple women hoping someone responds in kind.

Honestly I’m in my 50’s and some of the messages I’ve had from men my age are beyond cringe - like they’re horny teenagers wanking in their room 🤢