Logging with police re harrassment from an ex

[oldmanandtheangel]

Can you log harrassment with non emergency but ask police to not take any action at this stage? Hopefully I think he will leave me alone now but I want it logged in case there is a next time.
It's not physical threats or anything violent but I feel intimidated (things left on my car at work, presents for my parents put through their door etc..he only met them twice!) contacting me from other numbers as I'd blocked him, etc. I had asked many times to leave me alone, before blocking him. He wasn't a serious ex. Also he is actually with someone so I have no interest!
There are reasons why I don't want action taken now, but I do want it logged just in case... so if I report , would they take action regardless?

I’ve done this, they didn’t contact him but I wanted it on file. Ex approached me while I was out during the day. I felt intimidated as he was a violent ex who I hadn’t seen for many years. They was really understanding and it was logged. Please call 101 and speak to them they will advise you. His behaviour does come across as worrying. I hope this helps good luck x

Izzy, how long ago was this?

I have a policewoman friend but she doesn't deal with this side anymore and says protocol may have changed and that's why I'm wary, there are some strong reasons why for now I just want it logged

Yes you can. I logged a number of episodes of harassment and verbal abuse with police non emergency. Where I live u can do it online and u can say u only want it logged at this stage.
Unfortunately my situation got no better and I ended up making a full statement and my ex is now on bail but the previous logged incidents helped to back up what I was saying.
what’s happening with you is not ok and very worrying please do report it.

Yes, I did this. I rang and spoke to someone at local police station who put me through to correct police officer. He wrote down everything I told him, asked loads questions and gave it a crime number and put it on record. He gave me the option of them going round to talk to my ex and warn him to stop but I said I'd tell him I'd reported his behaviour and that was enough. Police were really helpful and I had been loath to report as thought it would be shrugged off as he was not violent. They took it really seriously though and I was totally reassured. Good luck, he sounds concerning and I'd definitely report.

I've just spoken to 101 police. They said best to log it online and although they can't promise no action, as it's not domestic and no knife involved, they probably won't act if I ask them not to. I still feel shaky though as the repercussions would be huge if they did at this stage

I feel embarrassed as 11 yrs ago I was in a proper DV relationship (was on Mumsnet a lot at the time then) and did have a policeman assigned to me and a DV advisor.

This is someone who wasn't a serious partner , I don't know why I feel embarrassed but I'm a woman in her 50s with a man in his 60s acting like a stalker, turning up at my work, driving 3 hour round trip to my parents (to try to get my attention) and ringing me from other numbers as he is blocked. I had told him very clearly many times to leave me alone

Although it's nothing like what I went through in the past, it's a trigger for me in terms of anxiety and feeling out of control as that first ex had targetted friends and family too. To be honest, psychological stuff freaks me out more...I don't
feel a threat of violence, there is none but mind games scare me
I live alone and in the past he's had a habit of just turning up... I only have one door into the house so would feel trapped if he did

You don't have to justify why you are feeling the way you do. He is stalking you. He is contacting you and your family without your consent, against your explicit induction to leave you alone. You are absolutely right to report him.

Yes you can make a statement without pressing charges. Which you should do so it creates a timeline.

At this stage I don't want them to contact him at all
But one more incident, I will do and at least have it logged.
This man is very clever and I need to be one step ahead.

There are specific laws now against harassment and stalking so don’t be embarrassed that’s it’s not physical at this stage. Keep logging online. One day you might need the timeline. Hopefully not but it gives everyone an idea of what’s going on. You might need to get a restraining order. Just keep documenting every little thing he does.

OP, he is not acting like a stalker. His behaviour IS stalking. Look after yourself, log everything with the Police and hopefully you might want to take it further at some point.

I’d get a ring doorbell

Contact Veritas

https://veritas-justice.co.uk/

Or Paladin, or Suzy Lamplugh Trust

https://www.suzylamplugh.org/pages/category/national-stalking-helpline

It’s important you contact the above so you’re not downplaying how serious his behaviour is and how it’s affecting you

you wouldn’t be contacting MN or the police otherwise

I feel embarrassed because I'm a middle aged woman I guess and not some young glamorous celeb, that's who you hear it happening to. I'm so paranoid I feel the police would laugh. I know they wouldn't but that's my anxiety...
And in my DV relationship he did stalk me afterwards too, so it's not wanting to relive any of that but I have no choice

I look younger than I am (so I'm told) and work in retail and men hassle me a lot. I had a semi stalker until recently. I hate it. It's not a compliment. It's always happened, since my teens. It's the story of my life. From strangers and now another ex. I just want peace. I have two frail parents to care for right now and my own crap...
Ok deep breath and I'm going to log it

Honestly, it has nothing to do with age or appearance. It has everything to do with the perpetrator’s sense of entitlement and preparedness to ignore your boundaries.

Really struggling online. there are boxes to tick to put you in right direction. I tried antisocial behaviour but it doesn't really come under that, that's more redisruptive neighbours. And it's not violence and domestic abuse. I can't find anything about harrassment. There is a 'something else' box but they say they'll get back to you in two days..

Thanks, Wintermorn. Friends who do know say it's about my empathy and that's why certain types target me (but in my job, just being nice to a customer can be taken wrongly! It's my job to be polite!)

I tried boundaries ie I'll go to the police if this continues..and warned to stay away from my friends, work and family... those boundaries were broken, so....

Ring doorbell next on list!

So frustrating. Not sure if I was in the right section.
I had described this year's incidents.
I was about to put in his details ie name and address and dob, when I got to 'submit' . I couldn't go back to what I'd written. So it was submitted with none of his personal details.
I hope they contact me for more info...