Ex moving on

[Whoopdedoop]

Broke up last night with a wonderful guy after 18 months. We wanted different things; it was the best thing for both of us, even though there was a lot of love there. I called it, it was a really difficult decision but we both agreed through tears that it was the right one.

He’s just messaged me to tell me he’s going back on the dating sites - my friend is on there, he wanted to tell me before she noticed him and told me.

Two days ago I was the love of his life, now I can be replaced with a quick swipe. This hurts so much - just want thoughts on it please.

Perhaps he’s trying to needle you into changing your mind.

In a break up one partner has usually grieved the relationship already. It isn’t always the guy who moves on quickly. But in any event I don’t think one should expect a period of public mourning or retreat from the world because a relationship didn’t work out. Uf his goal us to be with someone he should of course get back out there.

That's very quick! I'm not surprised your taken aback. Maybe he wants a reaction from you to see if you "care", I'd maybe ask them "are you OK? That just seems super quick after our breakup and I'm worried your not giving yourself time to heal...?"

You aren’t being replaced by a swipe. Don’t beat yourself up about that. He is distracting himself.

You are allowed to go back on the apps too,for a boost if u want to.

I think it's decent of him to tell you OP .
Good that he respects/likes you enough to consider your feelings

Everyone has their own ways of coping. I'm similar to your ex. Distraction helps.

He’s prob just trying to make you jealous or get a reaction. Leave him to it.

It shouldn’t really come as a surprise. Back in the olden days going out clubbing and hoping to meet a new love interest, or even just have a celebratory snog, was par for the course. It’s a tried and tested route to getting over someone. I’m sorry you’re hurting. He’s not the right one for you - not right now, anyway.

It makes me feel stupid to be honest - I thought this was real love, breaking up was the hardest decision. I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of time now on someone who actually can’t have loved me that much if he can move on so quickly.

He has probably gone back onto OLD so he doesn’t have to deal with the heartache and the periods of loneliness after a break up. I wouldn’t reply if I was you, or if you do just a simple ‘good luck’.
He knows it’s not the right thing to do or he wouldn’t have warned you- so don’t rise to it.
sorry for your break up, it does get easier x

That’s very hard. There’s no way of knowing why he’s so quick to jump to the next thing - maybe over the last weeks he’s already cooled, maybe his love wasn’t as real as you imagined, maybe he’s just jumping in for a distraction or to prove to himself he’s got it still, maybe he’s trying to get a rise out of you. Whatever it is, there’s no reason to assume the relationship was meaningless because of it or that the breakup is just a trivial snap of the finger. Give yourself permission to take it as seriously and slowly as needed. If you need to be sad a while before you move on, do that. Ignore him, he’s doing it his way for whatever reason, doesn’t matter, you’re about you now. On your time you too will be disconnected.

TBF you did break up with him. What do you want him to go into mourning?

That is very quick, OP. I think it’s good of him to let you know but I can understand why it’s upset you. I’m guessing he just wants/needs to distract himself. Most men aren’t very good at being on their own.

My son was back on the dating apps absolutely heartbroken when his girlfriend finished things as she was moving away for a dream job.
Pure distraction from the upset is all it was.
Focus on yourself not him.

That sounds difficult, OP. But you ended it so you can’t really dictate how he responds to that. It doesn’t mean he didn’t care about you. He’s probably distracting himself.

That’s really quick but you’re both single so you can’t influence anything he does. It’s really painful but try and focus on yourself and what you need to get through the breakup.
I’m in a similar position and I’m pretty sure my ex will have been straight out on the pull when I ended it. Whilst I thought we would be together forever, he didn’t. There weren’t the same emotions for him as there were for me.
Don’t waste time overthinking about someone who didn’t want to be with you. Do things to distract yourself, process your emotions and move on from him.