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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Marriage advice needed

1 reply

user1483118181 · 19/03/2025 20:14

Hi im new to this but really needed some advice. I have been married for almost 12 years got married at 21. Soon after getting engaged I became miserable about the idea of getting married I made my partner aware that I wanted to call of the wedding he didn’t agree long story short I still got married. After marriage I was still miserable but sometimes I was okay and had hope. I had a very bad 4 years of marriage depressions anxiety abuse in the marriage and then I fell pregnant. My partner always made me feel rejected and worthless and blamed me by saying you didn’t want to get married in the first place. After 4 years we had a baby. We both said this would be a fresh start. I have done everything to make my marriage work, communicated with him wrote lists wrote letters but I’m still in the same shitty relationship and nothing changes I now have 3 kids I’m sick of being made to feel like shit. I have been sexually emotionally mentally financially abused by this man. I have heard nothing but lies everything he says he does the opposite at this point I don’t even have respect for myself left. I know I need to leave but I don’t know how. I think a part of my for my kids sake doesn’t want the marriage to end but I know for my mental health it is the only option. Any advice would be great also I don’t have any friends or family to talk to

OP posts:
Bubblenum · 19/03/2025 21:16

user1483118181 · 19/03/2025 20:14

Hi im new to this but really needed some advice. I have been married for almost 12 years got married at 21. Soon after getting engaged I became miserable about the idea of getting married I made my partner aware that I wanted to call of the wedding he didn’t agree long story short I still got married. After marriage I was still miserable but sometimes I was okay and had hope. I had a very bad 4 years of marriage depressions anxiety abuse in the marriage and then I fell pregnant. My partner always made me feel rejected and worthless and blamed me by saying you didn’t want to get married in the first place. After 4 years we had a baby. We both said this would be a fresh start. I have done everything to make my marriage work, communicated with him wrote lists wrote letters but I’m still in the same shitty relationship and nothing changes I now have 3 kids I’m sick of being made to feel like shit. I have been sexually emotionally mentally financially abused by this man. I have heard nothing but lies everything he says he does the opposite at this point I don’t even have respect for myself left. I know I need to leave but I don’t know how. I think a part of my for my kids sake doesn’t want the marriage to end but I know for my mental health it is the only option. Any advice would be great also I don’t have any friends or family to talk to

first of all i’m so sorry you’re going through this, secondly (in the nicest way possible) you can’t go on like this anymore, you will end up more miserable and your mental health will deteriorate even more and your kids need a healthy mama. It sounds like you’ve always put this man first and have gave it your all. now it’s time to put yourself first and make those steps to leave. don’t tell him your plans as he sounds like the type of person who would try to stop those plans so keep it to yourself and make arrangements for you and the kids. You could get a free consultation from a solicitor about a divorce i think you get 30 minutes free although you’d have to double check this. You deserve a happy life!!

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