Why am I so angry ex has got married?

[Angrygirl]

I discovered by accident today that my ex partner has got married, and I can’t understand why it has got me so riled up.

Not sure if I need someone to tell me I’m just human or I’m being ridiculous.

I went into my archive on WhatsApp for something and spotted his profile picture was him and a bride.

We were together 2 years and finished nearly 3 years ago. He was at the time, the love of my life, but I have since found a wonderful new partner who I’m planning to marry and expecting a baby with. So I don’t understand why I feel so angry about this.

When we were together he was always on the fence about committing. Sometimes cruelly so. One day he’d be buying a family home that he wanted us to live in, next week he’d be considering moving abroad without me. One day suggesting we try for a baby and the next he thought he was better off alone. He’d been married once before and his wife left him and he’d had a string of relationships lasting 1-2 years afterwards. I was apparently the closest he’d ever got to ‘committing’ again but he still always said marriage was off the cards.

I ended it because I just couldn’t take anymore. I think I’d always assumed since we ended that the issue was him, due to his personal problems and inability to commit and that would just never change. He liked to believe (and say!) that he figured when the right woman came along all his relationship problems would disappear without him having to do any actual work on himself… I think I’m angry because it now feels like that was right! As unfair as that is.

I don’t want him back but I just didn’t want him to get a happy ending after the hell he put me through.. and so soon!

I know the girl he’s married. She was in his friendship group and I always thought tbh she was probably his dream woman.

Why does this make me so angry?
why do complete nobheads get their happy ending?!

It’s because he wouldn’t do those things with you but it sounds like you have a nice life now so I wouldn’t even think twice about it. Remove your ex’s.

Unblock & like loads of pics 😂😂😂

Hmm I'm just wondering about you and partners relationship here.

He sounds lovely and supportive however I'm wondering if your 'madly in love' with him.

Dating an avoidant type man can be intoxicating. The highs are high and the lows are lows. When they are giving you attention and future faking you can feel the happiest in the world. All the butterflies in your belly and all sorts. You can feel so loved up and giddy and in love.

Then when you date someone stable, secure and 'nice', it can feel.. I dunno.. bland? So although they are kind, lovely, supportive blah blah blah. It's not the same excitable madly in love feeling. Can almost feel as if you've settled?

Then you see the 'love of life' or the 'one that got away" all happy and moved on and commited. Then your feeling like id they'd just been like what with you (committed) then you'd have you your 'happily ever after'. So it's not fair that they got that ending whereas you ended up settling.

Of course in reality you know that's not true and he'd still be a dick and emotionally avoidant but the heart isn't logical.

Is there any truth in this?

I think you're onto something.

The two relationships just aren't comparable in any way. Partly because the two men are so different but also because I'm different and my circumstances are very different.

My relationship with the ex was very similar to how the one with the new wife looks. Based on fun, holidays, no commitments (mortgages etc), plans to travel the world and can't keep your hands off each other.

Whereas I met my new partner and then literally the next month my dad was housebound and only had 12-18 months to live. The relationship had to come second to me caring for my dad, I was exhausted and crying everyday, we could hardly go anywhere or do anything, and sex has been the last thing on my mind tbh. Very grateful that my partner was understanding and still thought I was worth it. And there have obviously been happy moments with him through this difficult time.

It feels like me and my current partner had to skip that 'new love' kind of stage because of everything going on.

I think I'm sad that the new wife also reminds me of what I was like 3-4 years ago. Except she looks even more happy and carefree. I don't feel like that person anymore and I look like I've had the weight of the world on my shoulders for 3 years. I feel like me and my lifestyle have aged about 10 years in just 2-3 years tbh!

But as other posters have said, I don't KNOW what's really going on. Either one of them could have troubles I'm unaware of.

EpilepsyStruggle you make a lot of sense ..
That’s so true , the heart is not logical ..
I’m afraid neither is my head when it has come to men 🙈 ( well in the past anyway) 🤞 for future picking …

Ah OP , you’ve a lovely baby on the way & by the sounds of it , such a great guy …
I really 💯 know it’s easier said than done to look forward & stop looking back , but you just have to try your best ..
When things come into your head , just put them to back & think of something else ..( know easier said than done ) like I said already …🤷🏻‍♀️..
Therapy also might be very helpful to you , just something to consider..
And You know something, Exs are Exs for a reason ..
You’re looking back at relationship with Ex through rose tinted glasses & measuring against his present relationship & that’s only something you’re looking at on line 🤷🏻‍♀️…
And OP he’s not the one that got away …
He was an emotional rollercoaster
And who wants that if they’re being completely honest with themselves,
They’re Exciting , Sexy , This , That
They’re a fucking head wreck more than anything else !
X

I’m sorry about your dad. It’s awful to watch someone you love getting weaker and sicker week by week. And losing a parent can create a huge sense of insecurity - as kids we think they’re all knowing, indestructible and I’m sure some of that persists in the back of the mind long into adulthood.

Regarding the relationships - you got the fun exciting stuff for a while, and a whole load of crap with it. Now it sounds like you’ve got someone who adores you and wants to do the real stuff together.

Are you now in a position to take a holiday? You’ve had a rough couple of years and a couple of weeks in relaxing in the sun can make such a difference

You've had some great advice and it sounds like you understand why you're feeling the way you do.

The only thing I'd add is how smart and confident you were to end things with him when you knew things weren't going to go anywhere. Your story could have have been an awful one if you'd wasted many more years on him, then maybe affairs etc.

I would say you've had a lucky escape, but it wasn't luck.

Blame your pregnancy hormones 🥰, Get a sneaky hot cross bun and thank your lucky stars about the bullet you dodged (not trying to minimise your feelings, but just trying to put a lighter spin on it.

past loves can do crazy things to our minds

Try not to feel angry with yourself, OP. You're human, you're pregnant and you've been through an awful lot. I wonder whether your comments about your ex's wife reflect a sense of grieving for the person you were back then and whether you've consciously grieved the loss of the person you were?

Experiences shape us - we can't unknow what we know and the things we've lived through. I think it's natural to mourn the person we were before traumatic events.

You're a wonderful person to have cared for your father like that - worth a billion of your emotionally incompetent ex.

That’s really kind of you to say. It was probably the hardest and most reluctant decision of my life.

I think what I need to remember is, my main motivation for ending it was that I knew I definitely wanted children. And I thought, it was one thing for me to take a risk and stick with him and hope things worked out ok. But I couldn’t take that risk if I was going to bring a child into it, and hope for the best from someone who had shown themself to be so fickle and unreliable. It just wasn’t a fair risk to take.

Thank you. I can’t believe how kind people have been on here.

I think there is a kind of personal grieving to do. And probably some rebuilding to get back some of what I used to be.

Maybe he has just clicked with her. It happens.