Relationships over 10 years +

[mumoftwoboys321]

Just curious how do couples that have been together along time and have kids keep the spark there is it something that is just there is it something that you have to keep there is it off of the effort you and partner put in
what things do you do together

I'm a man so I might not have the perspective you're looking for, but here's how it works for me: I do make a conscious effort to keep noticing the things that I find most attractive about my wife (both personality-wise and physically) and I aim to make her a priority in terms of time and attention. From her side, she says that she feels closer to me when we've spent time connecting or doing something fun together. It can take some work with kids to look after as well, but I try to remember to appreciate her.

its ups and downs really in long term relationships. Some periods of more spark than others. Date night is a huge thing in our house, and early mornings exercise together - before the kids are up!

It’s nice to hear a man’s perspective so thank you both for replying

Have things you do together - ours is walking, meals out plus short breaks now kids are older. Also watch some tv together so we can discuss

More importantly, do stuff apart! Go out with friends, see family members one on one, short breaks, hobbies

if you keep yourself interested in things, you tend to be more interesting

Be honest re sex - talk about things you want to try, what you need frequency wise. Some want quick & often, some less often but deeper a d more intense. Doesn’t have to be PIV sex every time - manual, oral, toys etc.

Accept it will likely be a bit of up and down, never forget what you loved about them in the first place

17 years with Dh. I think you do have to work at it because it’s easy to get just so bogged down in life and so just focused on remembering to put the bins out and what you need at the shop, especially if you have little time together.

I think a big part of it though is recognising that there will be peaks and troughs. You can go through a dry season. You can have little quality time together. Or one of you could be ill and struggling. Or need to work away. Or whatever. There will be long stretches when it isn’t all date nights and wild sex and champagne flowing. And that is very normal. I think it’s about not thinking something is broken just because you’re too tired for date nights or life is too overwhelming for you to feel that spark you used to feel. If you love someone and your relationship is solid, the trough will become a peak again if you stick by each other. A life together is a marathon and it will have its walls you just have to slug through sometimes.