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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice on new partner

5 replies

ChersHandbag · 19/03/2025 09:41

I’m a lone mum. The kids’ dad is totally absent and I don’t have other family. I’m not isolated, and have a good circle of other parents and my kids are happy and settled. We are a little unit of three. Kids are tweens.

I’ve met someone really nice. We were just friends first for six months, meeting up for daytime coffees and walks, and only recently — and very consciously, after a nice talk — changed it to more. He’s lovely.

I am just a bit stuck on how to manage it with the kids. They’ve met him a few times in passing, during the friend stage, and liked him. Now, we either see each other when I get a babysitter, or he comes over after they’re asleep for a bit… does anyone have any experience on how you make something like this more normal, or the right timescale for it? I’d like him just to be able to come for dinner and stay over without hiding.

OP posts:
Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 19/03/2025 10:02

Honestly just invite him over for dinner. You know him well, kids have already met him. I don’t think there’s an arbitrary timescale if you can see things being serious. It’s not like you’re inviting him to move in.

ChersHandbag · 19/03/2025 10:09

No, I’ll never ask him to move in. Do you think I should tell the kids explicitly that he’s my partner now?

OP posts:
80s · 19/03/2025 10:39

I told my children when I had a boyfriend at that age. They were old enough to be able to guess what I might be doing when I went out in the evening, and I didn't want them to feel like I was hiding anything. At the same time, I didn't want to treat them like friends of mine and potentially overshare.
I also mentioned that I was not looking for a new husband and didn't want to move in with anyone.

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 19/03/2025 10:42

I would tell them, they’re old enough to guess and I wouldn’t want to lie

FloydPink · 19/03/2025 10:59

My kids are teens and I would tell them if I am out dating, my daughter wanted to help me chose pics for my profile. We are a close family and I don't believe in keeping secrets from each other, especially as when dating I was out a lot.

She met 1 GF within a month and my current one after a couple of weeks. It wasn't an issue and all relaxed. Were doing stuff together within months and within 9 months had all been on holiday together.

Kids these days are not as naive as we think. I did this also as at some point they will get partners etc... and don't want to be lied to about that. Trust is important, my DD is 14 and has a bf, its really easy to chat with her about stuff and I think that is because we don't treat partners as something secret

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