We've been married 3 years, together nearly 14. I was able-bodied until 25, at 30 my main pain is scoliosis, which did cause problems in early life with a 22-degree lumbar curve, thoracic compression and a 10-degree cervical curve. But I could power through this pretty much until now. Osteoarthritis in my left knee which is getting worse lately, self-explanatory, it comes and goes and is worse in cold weather. I had a complicated induction, 5 failed epidurals and an emergency c-section 2 years ago and I've got adhesions in the area, not great but not the worst of it, but the stress of my very traumatic delivery triggered an autoimmune response which has caused peripheral neuropathy, I get nerve pain everywhere, mostly in my lower back and my legs get randomly tingly, numb and feel weird. My consultant surgeon thinks I have neurogenic thoracic outlet syndrome, cervical radiculopathy is being ruled out atm and they want to rule out VTOS and ATOS. Complex to explain what outlet syndrome is but basically the nerves in your neck get compressed. These conditions would require my first ribs being removed, part of my scalene muscle removed + hydro injections into my nerves. I'm currently undergoing a whole array of tests and imaging over the next few months.
I often can't lift my son, and find it hard to bend down to change his nappy, it's getting harder as time goes on so DH will step in when needed, no questions.
I also get cluster tension headaches because I was born half-blind so I have to lay in the dark a lot. I have three impacted wisdom teeth, one of which is leaning on my facial nerve which is causing trigeminal neuralgia intermittently. Amitryipline is my new best friend.
On top of all of this, I have CPTSD from various things I will not go into detail that have happened in my life mostly as a child.
What I'm doing to fix things: I swim as often as I can, without injury to myself. I do all of my physio daily, I rest when my body needs to, ice/heat therapy, epsom salt baths, hot showers etc. I walk 2-3 kilometres daily to keep my knee mobile. I use a standing desk.
My husband is very supportive, and caring and ultimately wants what is best for me but my issues are driving us apart, he wants a fit gym buddy, I just can't work out in the way he does. I stretch mostly, do the prescribed physio daily I need to do to function. We are butting heads like never before because his approach to life is martyr through it, it will improve, exercise like mad and you will get better. As you all can probably attest, it's hard to know the pain of another person, it's hard to describe exactly what you experience day to day especially if you fluctuate so much. Some days I clean the whole house, some days I can barely go up the stairs.
We argue over how to manage my pain, I stop exercise when my body tells me to slow down, I know my body's limits, he tells me to soldier through it, no pain no gain. If I power through osteo pain, and go too far, I won't be able to walk... if I power through back pain, I throw my back out and will be on strong painkillers for weeks. He seems to believe that exercising everyday, for hours is the answer, I am strengthening my muscles without injury, slowly, I have to do low reps as the physiotherapists advise I could do damage if I don't go slow. He doesn't seem to understand this approach. I'm trying to not end up in a wheelchair at 60, but doing what he suggest won't help and I don't know how to make him understand.
I go to bed very early and take Amitriptyline to sleep through my nerve pain and general discomfort, this basically knocks me out until 6:30am. I am as intimate as my pain will allow and it's clearly not enough for DH, I can't without going into detail, do certain acts due to my facial nerve pain.. and this is causing some massive friction in our marriage honestly. There is no pressure from him just to be clear, he accepts this is what it is for now. I'm just not the acrobatic 18 year old I once was and I think that reality is hard for him to accept...
Any advice going forward is appreciated.