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Original poster

How would you respond/react to this?

37 replies

overtherainbow03 · 18/03/2025 12:19

For context I (21 F) have been with my partner (20 M) for over two years, at the end of last year we got engaged. I have recently found out he has been subscribing to multiple accounts on Only Fans. I am really not sure how to handle to situation and if I am completely honest this is end of the relationship for me. But I am not sure how to go about it. Can someone please give me some advice?

OP posts:
ginasevern · 18/03/2025 18:15

This may be a blessing in disguise. You've found out who he is before you've shackled yourself to him and had kids. To be honest OP, you are so young (and he's even younger). Twenty and 21 is really very young to get married these days. Your future isn't ruined, it's only just started. You'll see things very differently in your mid to late twenties. I know I did.

Hemlocked · 18/03/2025 18:27

Be prepared for his response:
It's not a big deal. It's just like watching porn. I didn't know that it would be such a big deal to you. You didn't tell me that it was a deal breaker for you. How was I supposed to know? You should have told me before. All my mates use it. You're massively overreacting. Now I know you hate it, I promise I won't ever do it again.

Disturbia81 · 19/03/2025 08:36

It’s prostitution. He is using women, objectifying them, cheating. Bin this scum.

Original poster
overtherainbow03 · 19/03/2025 11:43

Just an update I have been in contact with his chain of command, they are putting in place somewhere for him to stay when he arrives home. I have slowly come to terms with the fact that I do love him but not enough to wait around for him to change.

OP posts:
HappyHealthy23 · 19/03/2025 11:51

Well done OP! You have handled this very sensibly and maturely and put strong boundaries in place.

I am obviously not your mother, but I'm old enough to be, and I have to say, I'm very proud of you. I hope my own daughter reacts as well if she ever finds herself in a similar situation.

I hope things start looking up for you very soon.

Naunet · 19/03/2025 13:10

Well done OP, its so refreshing to see a woman with strong boundaries! I know it's not the point of the thread, but can I ask, why wasn't he contributing financially?

Original poster
overtherainbow03 · 19/03/2025 17:18

Naunet · 19/03/2025 13:10

Well done OP, its so refreshing to see a woman with strong boundaries! I know it's not the point of the thread, but can I ask, why wasn't he contributing financially?

Edited

He wasn’t paying the bills as I’ve already sorted everything out in my own name but he was paying for the shopping and driving me where I needed to be as I am unable to drive unfortunately. So he played a different part in all of this.

OP posts:
Original poster
overtherainbow03 · 19/03/2025 17:20

HappyHealthy23 · 19/03/2025 11:51

Well done OP! You have handled this very sensibly and maturely and put strong boundaries in place.

I am obviously not your mother, but I'm old enough to be, and I have to say, I'm very proud of you. I hope my own daughter reacts as well if she ever finds herself in a similar situation.

I hope things start looking up for you very soon.

I really appreciate this, thank you so much. It has taken so much strength for me to be able to reach out to the right people to ensure that he is safe when he arrives home. At the end of the day I love him and I don’t want to be apart from him but until he can prove that he values me he needs to leave me alone.

OP posts:
HebeJeeby · 19/03/2025 17:35

Well done OP for taking control and not allowing yourself to be treated this way. I just came on to say that for a man with no means of communicating how was he able to get onto the internet for OF? Are you sure he’s been telling you the truth about that too. Not that it matters any more.

Chunkilumptious · 19/03/2025 18:26

You're handling this really well OP. It's not about whether it's necessarily the worst transgression in the world or not so don't get bogged down in that.

It's about whether you want to accept this especially so young.

Stick to your guns and if you do decide to discuss this with him, remember it's about your values, your future and what makes you happy NOT about 'well it was only...' 'i was lonely'.

You're not making a vast moral judgement, he's only 21. It's about what you want and frankly, I would be choosing my freedom too. To commit to this life, you'd need to be certain and I don't think this man is showing the maturity you'd need to see to know who you're committing to medium to long term.

GuevarasBeret · 19/03/2025 18:35

overtherainbow03 · 19/03/2025 11:43

Just an update I have been in contact with his chain of command, they are putting in place somewhere for him to stay when he arrives home. I have slowly come to terms with the fact that I do love him but not enough to wait around for him to change.

He won’t change, he’s sleazy and rank.

If you can arrange things that he has no way of contacting you ever again.
Tell him he is free to spaff his money into a camera, but you aren’t ever going to be in a relationship with someone who would do that.
The best thing for both of you is if he experiences your absolute contempt.

If there was any way at all, I would bring his stuff to his parents and top it with a Dear John letter, outlining all the skanky things he has done and how his poor mother would be mortified to know what a specimen she has dragged up.

But I wouldn’t seal the envelope so they could read it!

Original poster
overtherainbow03 · 19/03/2025 19:29

HebeJeeby · 19/03/2025 17:35

Well done OP for taking control and not allowing yourself to be treated this way. I just came on to say that for a man with no means of communicating how was he able to get onto the internet for OF? Are you sure he’s been telling you the truth about that too. Not that it matters any more.

Sorry for the confusion so he has his phone for certain periods of time but due to the nature of his job he also has to turn his phone off for weeks at a time. At the moment it’s been turned off for four days. His parents are absolutely mortified by what they already know. And they are quite concerned about me being left in a state

OP posts:
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