Ex husband telling me to get men off my FB

DLMum16 · 2025-03-18T10:19:59+00:00

I've been separated from my husband for three months. I started up a new FB page to get rid of his relatives and start afresh. I was on FB when I met him. He wasn't. He asked me why I had lots of men on my FB at the time and told me to get rid of them which I did to keep the peace as it was the start of our relationship. Now we are separated I have added whoever the hell I want! I'm not looking for a relationship. It's way too soon. Anyway, he obviously has been spying and I got ranting text messages all night telling me I better get these men off my FB until we are divorced as he is livid. They are harmless! I'm not doing it. I think he's a jealous, controlling man. I've told him we are separated and I can do what I want. He said I won't talk to him (we are separated due to his unreasonable behaviour!) but will add men on my FB. Not doing it. Am i right?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 18/03/2025 10:22

Ignore him.

Happyspendingthedayinthegarden · 18/03/2025 10:24

I'm not that familiar with FB, but, as far as I know, he would need to be one of your FB friends in order to be able to see who your friends are. If this is the case I suggest that you unfriend him.

Who you chose to have as FB friends is entirely up to you - he can F off.

JadziaD · 18/03/2025 10:24

1 set your FB to private. YOu don't want irrational crazy exs stalking you on there.

2 ignore him. This is pretty classic control. Just wait until he hears you've been out with friends or, gasp, a group that includes men.

outerspacepotato · 18/03/2025 10:25

Unfriend him, make your friends and photos private, and if he pops off again, block him.

Onlyvisiting · 18/03/2025 10:25

Ignore him, but also sort your privacy settings out!
Find his profile and block it.
And of he isn't on fb and is using friends/family to spy on it then be more careful who you add.

Redfred00 · 18/03/2025 10:30

Just ignore him. He's not the boss of you. He doesn't own or control you. You do what you want.

He sounds very controlling. Make sure you have some sort of video security on your home and set up your emergency sos feature on your phone.

TheseBootsAreWalking · 18/03/2025 10:38

LMAO yeah mine did rant at his mum that my ex was having to pick me up in town drunk and in all sort of scenarios, while in fact I was at home, going to work, taking up running, yet he kept telling me I was "HIS WIFE and to not add anyone on FB either, like you. I ignore him. His mum though felt it nesersary to message my mum to tell her what a disgrace I was. Needless to say I dont drink nor smoke but he had lost his license due to DUI amongst other things.

Live your life. But keep a distant eye on him if he has the tendency to be controlling, escaping relationships like that can impose dangers to women months after they leave. Don't be attempted to message back or retaliate in any way. He will take things out of context regardless of what you say or dont say, do or don't do. Just enjoy the freedom.

Original poster

DLMum16 · 18/03/2025 10:48

He isn't on FB. My FB is private. He checked who liked my cover pic. That's how he knew. It was of my dog FFS.

OP posts:

Bittenonce · 19/03/2025 11:58

Must admit I'd be worried that he's trying to be so controlling, and spying on your social media. It's none of his bloody business, and concerning that there's such an OTT reaction to innocent nothings. Suggest you delete your FB Account and start afresh with a slightly altered version of your name, refriend those who really are your friends.
And be careful about him spying IRL - PP comments about video doorbell etc are very sensible.

outerspacepotato · 19/03/2025 12:08

DLMum16 · 18/03/2025 10:48

He isn't on FB. My FB is private. He checked who liked my cover pic. That's how he knew. It was of my dog FFS.

He's logged into FB under some name. You can't see who's liked your pics otherwise. Lock your SM down harder. Maybe take a SM break.

Brefugee · 19/03/2025 12:09

can he see your cover pic if you block him? And block his family while you're at it, on all platforms.

Thelnebriati · 19/03/2025 12:09

Keep those messages, they are evidence of unreasonable behaviour.

Mrsgreen100 · 19/03/2025 12:15

Keep copies of everything he sends ,,,
and ignore

pikkumyy77 · 19/03/2025 12:18

Bittenonce · 19/03/2025 11:58

Must admit I'd be worried that he's trying to be so controlling, and spying on your social media. It's none of his bloody business, and concerning that there's such an OTT reaction to innocent nothings. Suggest you delete your FB Account and start afresh with a slightly altered version of your name, refriend those who really are your friends.
And be careful about him spying IRL - PP comments about video doorbell etc are very sensible.

This. Take his spying very seriously—its a form of stalking and coercive control. Tell him you will record every improper contact and comment that he makes and report him to the police for coercive control.

SocksShmocks · 19/03/2025 12:22

Keep the messages as suggested. It also sounds sensible not to reply to his messages though as also suggested.

And to reassure you that reasonable and well adjusted men (exes or current partners) don’t mind their wives / girlfriends having male friends and male contacts on Facebook, or if they do feel sad and jealous about the breakdown of a relationship at least know Facebook friends are actually none of their business. He does sound very controlling.

Original poster

DLMum16 · 23/03/2025 12:29

I split up from husband after 5 years. It’s my second marriage. I’m 50. It was an unconventional set up as he moved in with me and my son and it didn’t work. My son has Asperger’s and wasn’t comfortable with him living with us. I felt really stressed worrying about my son and keeping my husband happy as well. He left and got an apartment but we agreed to stay together as a couple and see each other when we could. He likes a drink and sometimes over the last five years has behaved like a total twat. Getting worked up about things and resenting my relationship with my son which I thought was pathetic. My son is a good kid and never gives me any trouble. He has Asperger’s so can’t help the way he is at times but was never cheeky to my husband. My husband called my son a c##t to me when drinking on occasion. We had a lot of rows. He called me a c##t on drink before Christmas. I realised I couldn’t be bothered with him anymore. He lives nearby and now says he would like us to be friends. I’m very reluctant as I don’t want him sucking me back in again. He said I’m his best friend etc and could I see our dog once a week or so. She is very well looked after and lives with him anyway. I don’t feel guilty about that as she loves living with him. I have a dog of my own who is very full on and she takes up a lot of my time. Am I being too soft even texting him? I’d prefer a clean break as I have been managing ok and have enjoyed not having to answer to anyone and him moaning about this, that and the other! It’s been 3 months. He said it’s like a death as I hardly speak to him. Do I just please myself here? It was his actions that brought about this break up. I felt he was jealous of my love for my child and was dickhead on drink. The same problems raised their head over and over again and I just got fed up. Thanks for any input.

OP posts:

ChaToilLeam · 23/03/2025 12:31

I reckon you really do need a clean break. The man‘s a dickhead.

ShouldIEvenBother · 23/03/2025 14:04

How ridiculous.

I'd be equally as ridiculous back to him:

him: "get those men of your facebook"
me: "I'm not on facebook"
him: "yes you are, I can see your profile"
me: "what's facebook?"
him: "insert more stupid ranting"
me: "no idea what you're talking about. never heard of facebook".

what a knob. Ideally, don't even engage. You don't have to get sucked into his drama AT ALL really.

Bittenonce · 23/03/2025 15:42

Your last post does provide some good context - and no, it certainly wasn’t a conventional set up! But given that you weren’t living together before, I think that talking, messaging, visiting the dog - whatever - could easily make it seem almost like nothing had changed. In his mind if not yours. And really, I think you should try to avoid that, for everyone’s sake (speaking as someone who did once find it very difficult to let go). Just say that you both need to move on - that you’ll be there if he really needs help with something, and hope the same applies to him, but really you’re both better off not having contact if you don’t need to. Your head needs that space (particularly if he’s likely to be controlling and aggressive after a few drinks).
Short answer to your ‘do I just please myself?’ question- yes, you do. Please and protect yourself.

Easterbunnygettingsorted · 23/03/2025 15:44

Imo contact lots of male associates and request they like your pics..

Hundreds of men op. Put an ad on sm requesting them to do so....
Maybe he will spontaneously combust...

InfoSecInTheCity · 23/03/2025 15:46

Beyond everything else, why the hell is your Facebook page public enough that he can even see what you’re doing? Lock down your privacy settings so only your friends can see anything worth seeing and make sure he’s not one of your friends.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 24/04/2026 21:19

DLMum16 · 23/03/2025 12:29

I split up from husband after 5 years. It’s my second marriage. I’m 50. It was an unconventional set up as he moved in with me and my son and it didn’t work. My son has Asperger’s and wasn’t comfortable with him living with us. I felt really stressed worrying about my son and keeping my husband happy as well. He left and got an apartment but we agreed to stay together as a couple and see each other when we could. He likes a drink and sometimes over the last five years has behaved like a total twat. Getting worked up about things and resenting my relationship with my son which I thought was pathetic. My son is a good kid and never gives me any trouble. He has Asperger’s so can’t help the way he is at times but was never cheeky to my husband. My husband called my son a c##t to me when drinking on occasion. We had a lot of rows. He called me a c##t on drink before Christmas. I realised I couldn’t be bothered with him anymore. He lives nearby and now says he would like us to be friends. I’m very reluctant as I don’t want him sucking me back in again. He said I’m his best friend etc and could I see our dog once a week or so. She is very well looked after and lives with him anyway. I don’t feel guilty about that as she loves living with him. I have a dog of my own who is very full on and she takes up a lot of my time. Am I being too soft even texting him? I’d prefer a clean break as I have been managing ok and have enjoyed not having to answer to anyone and him moaning about this, that and the other! It’s been 3 months. He said it’s like a death as I hardly speak to him. Do I just please myself here? It was his actions that brought about this break up. I felt he was jealous of my love for my child and was dickhead on drink. The same problems raised their head over and over again and I just got fed up. Thanks for any input.

@DLMum16 it's better for both of you to have a clean break.

Messaging means he still feels connected to you, and has hope that you will relent and get back together him.

It just prolongs the breakup pain for both of you.

And it gives him the opportunity to control you.

Stop replying.