My friend is a doormat

[BlackCat111]

I’m so frustrated with my friend, she’s taken her lying, cheating husband back yet again. They’ve been married 20 years & he’s been unfaithful numerous times, I don’t even think she truly knows just how many times but unfortunately it’s local gossip. She recently caught him out in yet another lie & threw him out. She seemed to be adamant that this time it was definitely over but their youngest DD (14) was very upset about the split so she took him back. I’m worried for her but more for the children as I think it’s such a toxic environment for them to grow up in, what if they think this is what a healthy relationship looks like? My friend doesn’t see it like that, she still thinks their marriage is worth saving & that she can change him, she’s now tracking & checking his phone & thinks that will fix their problems. How do I help her to see that she needs to leave him once & for all? It’s affecting our friendship as I can’t stand to be around him & I can’t understand why she stays.

If she is still taking him back there’s little more you can do without it causing a big fall out.

Can you cope with the drama? If so, just be there for her and prepare for when it happens again to just listen. But day you can’t give advice because she doesn’t listen, but that you’re there to support,

If the drama is too much for you then explain that it’s hard to see her doing this to herself, so you need to step away from the friendship.

I’ve been in a similar position and I did the former, and just waited for it to eventually end. It was back and forth for her for over fifteen years. Since the split she’s much happier and so are the kids. But she wouldn’t hear a bad word against him so I ended up just biting my tongue for a long time.

I would suggest that she accepts she's in an open relationship and stops spying on him as she'll drive herself mad.

She sounds obsessed if she's keeping constant tabs on him and he'll have a burner phone if he's got any sense.

She's better off letting him do what he wants (he will anyway, he's not changing) and focusing on her and her children.

I think you are in a very difficult position.

I think I would withdraw from the friendship and tell her you will be there to help and support her when she decides to seperate from this man.