He needs space

[Graphista]

I messed up! I got jealous, didn't handle things well and pissed him off and now he's saying he wants space I am respecting that though told him I am here and ready when he needs to talk.

Please tell me if you've been in a similar situation is this salvageable ?

Reason he is so pissed off is not first time and I do know I need to cut it out, but right now I just need to know if this is hopeless or what?

I don't know about your bf but what I do know is that it is soul destroying being in a relationship with a jealous person who never trusts you no matter what. You eventually get fed up and leave the jealous person because that is no way to live. Please respect his space and get help for your behaviour.

Let's not be hasty. What are the details?

Are you jealous because of:

His actions?
Your past?
Your trauma?
You're controlling?

All VERY different.

Tricky as non conventional relationship

Details needed, OP. No one can help if you're vague.

If you're not going to provide actual info, it is impossible to assess what might be happening. If thisi show you are with him, I'd imagine that's annoying too.

Didn't handle it well - how? What did you do?

Non-conventional relationship - everyone's going to assume affair, so I'd just tell us what kind, if you want relevant opinions.

Poly? BDSM? Open relationship? Affair?

It’s not salvageable, and anyway a situationship is not worth such aggro in the first place or the obligation to keep trying after one got the ick

Why do you want to be with someone you don’t trust or brings out this side of you?

He isn’t your possession OP, if he’s had enough there isn’t much you can do about that except accept it.

And if he says he will try again as long as you never do x, y and z again, is this really what you want because it will be very he holds all the cards and you doing all the good behaviour. Screw that.

3rd type of relationship. I snapped at him when I should really not be doing so and all within our agreed parameters

Doesn't sound as if you can handle an open relationship, OP. Be done with it and move on.

You're jealous but you're in an open relationship?

Yeah, that's not going to work.

Maybe you just don’t want to be in an open relationship, and that’s fine.

Is it an open relationship you chose or was it all the other person? One of those 'OK if this is all that's on offer' types of deal?

Is the open relationship mutual ie do you also have lovers? Whose idea was it?

Maybe it’s better to end it.

You have signed up to an open relationship and part of that 'contract' is that there's no place for (or point in) jealousy.

It wouldn't be for me, but your partner's annoyance/frustration isn't wrong.

So I guess you either pack in your behaviour, or the relationship.

Wel, then, even though I know nothing and you remain frustratingly vague, I think ANY jealously, even a hint, in an open relationship is probably a no go.

So eiter your'e breaking the agremeent the two of you had and you should end it.

Or you never wanted an open relationship in the first place and at best, you were just silly and desperate to be with him or at worst, he manipulated you to get what he wanted.

So I'm inclined to say move on. Jealously doesn't just go away.

I'd suggest open relationships don't work for you.

Okay so it's an open relationship or a throuple, you thought you were cool with it but now you are feeling insecure and edged out? Worrying about what might be happening when you are not present?

This is why these things rarely work. There is almost always one part of the couple or throuple who is being coerced slightly, or compromising themselves even if they don't realise it. It almost always ends in tears.

If you're referring to an 'open relationship', then if you're jealous and insecure, it's the wrong type of relationship for you. The insecurities and jealousy, will only worsen as time goes on. It's not a relationship type for everyone, and there's nothing wrong in that. What is wrong is you continuing in an open relationship, when you clearly can't cope with the dynamics of the type of relationship it's supposed to be. Are you in an open relationship because it's what your boyfriend proposed during your relationship? Or did you know the relationship would be open from the start? By all means seek help if you are a jealous/insecure person normally in a relationship, but if it's the relationship that's causing the emotions, then it's the situation, not you.

It sounds like your “agreed parameters” may not work for you. Open relationships require ongoing discussion and negotiation. As previous posters have said, it is often one partner in particular who favours it and it sounds like you may be in that position.

Our relationship has had periods of being open. It was a long road that got us to a place where being open made sense to us but that was many moons ago and we made very limited actual use of it being open.

Being open doesn’t work for most people and that’s fine. There are very sound reasons for being sexually exclusive.

@MrsTerryPratchett a combination of past trauma (previous relationship) and his actions I think?

@Maitri108 mutual if anything more my idea than his though we both have lovers

It's more when he has a new lover I get jealous once I am past that stage I am honestly fine even friendly with them.

There has been lots of discussion and boundaries decided along the way, he has certain boundaries as well as I do. But I got jealous and said something I shouldn't have well a few somethings and now ... he says he wants his space and it is killing me I miss him so much.

Why are you even doing this to yourself? This just sounds like you’re deliberately putting yourself through hell then feeling like shit about the fact that you don’t like being in hell. Surely this is just - you’re literally torturing yourself then wondering why you’re upset. If you want none of this set up to bother you, you need to have no emotions. If you want to be in a relationship where there is no emotion so that this stuff doesn’t bother you, what’s the point of being in it? You may was well be with someone you don’t love at all. And why would you do that! This is just putting yourself in all the situations we all try and avoid because they HURT! so unless you like to hurt, why? The things that are hurting you are supposed to hurt! They’re hurtful things! This is like training to become desensitised, the day you don’t are is the day you don’t love the person anymore then the relationship is over anyway. There no way of getting any happiness in this set up. You care… it’ll hurt. You don’t care anymore… the relationship is over.