Colleague at work

[Ringrings]

At work there is a guy who is director level and for the past 2 and a half years he has always stared at me or tried to speak to me and sometimes stutters. He is very confident with other people. A few months ago I caught he watching me from across the room at our staff away day so he knows I have seen him do it.

He is 48 and I am 41. I can tell by his behaviour he is attracted to me. I think he is an attractive man as he is confident and knowledgeable but that does not mean I want a relationship with him, just he has good qualities. I am in a relationship and I am happy with my partner.

I know he has a daughter who is in her early 20s but he has 2 younger children about 6 and 8. I think he has a partner too so why is he not focusing on them?

As I said I would never even go there but if he is unhappy and in a relationship why does he think staring at me all the time is going to solve his unhappiness? I am finding this staring a bit creepy and should not be watched at work. I try and avoid him where I can but he always tries to get in my vicinity.

I think ideally you mention it to him first but if that would be too difficult, talk to HR and they should be able to advise or support.

Perhaps he just finds it awkward with you? You say you've noticed him staring at you, perhaps he's done the same and is thinking similar about you?

I don't think you can surmise the guys gonna cheat on his partner ( if he has one) even if there is a chance he fancies you.

I feel you've jumped from 0 to 60 quite quickly

I’d just ignore him and if he crosses a line with any inappropriate comments or behaviour tell him to stop and report to HR.

If men who stare had to be taken to HR, I think you would find the floor pretty bare.

why does he think staring at me all the time is going to solve his unhappiness?

?! How did you come to this conclusion from staring to a relationship? If anyone is over-reacting to the staring, you are OP. He’s not proposed a relationship has he? Just from a look - wow.

I agree, HR will just say it is in my head and not a policy breach. It’s just creepy a grown man cannot control his gaze and focus on his work.

I think he is an attractive man as he is confident and knowledgeable but that does not mean I want a relationship with him, just he has good qualities.

What has this got to do with anything? And why re you making links between him eyeing you up and 'unhappiness in his relationship'? He sounds like just your bog-standard sleazy man and that's the beginning and end of it. Put in a word with HR saying that intrusive staring has no place in the workspace and be done with it.

Just ignore it and get on with your work. If he sees you looking at him looking at you, he might get the idea that you want the attention.

Well, or the OP is unusually idle, has a visible nose bogey, or he’s wondering how she keeps her Anna Wintour-style bob so shiny, or he’s thinking about which meal deal he wants for lunch and his eyes are happening to rest on the OP? I mean, lots of potential reasons other than him pining for her, surely?