I lived alone 3x longer than DP ever did post divorces but we both in our 40’s and together for 5 years and struggling with merging our lives together. We love each other very much and I think of us as a strong equal partnership generally, but living together has shone a light on all of our differences.
It’s ok for people to be different and have different strengths in my eyes. He is very creative and takes his time getting something right, I just want things done and over with, rather than lingering, so I will power through and not give up. This means we are VERY different when it comes to living together and it’s causing friction.
I am the do-now and he is the do-later. This causes friction when he sees me doing things he isn’t doing, and tells me to do it later, and I say I’m doing it now to save time tomorrow. I don’t understand why you choose to let jobs build up so they are much bigger another day. He wants to make everything a tomorrow problem, problem is, tomorrow never comes so it will just all build up. He wants us to just sit and relax every evening together.
DP has always been very much into his own systems of tidying up etc, basically to me it looks like absolute chaos, he never finishes what he has started and starts new projects and piles and he is always flying by the seat of his pants - he gets by, functionally, but it’s always a bit stressful and chaotic. He does DO stuff, he isn’t lazy, and he isn’t expecting me to do it (the opposite he rejects help) he cleans, cooks and does loads of laundry but it’s always chaos. You can’t tell what’s dirty or what’s clean, he just has so much stuff and never seems to empty a pocket into a bin, he will just empty them all onto a side and then leave it there. He is the ‘have you seen this tiny screw I was saving’ guy.
The kicker is - he finds it very hard to accept my help with things, as he gets all sensitive that I am judging him or interfering with his bloody piles of stuff. He wants me to adopt his method of just leaving it for later. I don’t want to cook a meal with his piles of crap hanging around so I will move them if he doesn’t. I am not asking him to adopt my way of doing it all now, but leave me alone to just get on with what I want to do or just put his stuff away? If it’s important, put it somewhere you will remember it? If we end up doing a house clean together, he complains I ask him too many questions and make him feel stressed - basically I have to ask him about all the piles of shit he has whether it’s to keep or for the bin.
I want a nice house, we spent a lot of money on it and I just want us to work as a team. I don’t know how best to communicate with him. Frankly I think he he may have a bit of a hoarding problem brewing and this worries me a lot