Healing Help FROM Cheating Ex

[MollyFitz]

Okay, someone help me understand WTF is going on and please be kind, I'm so fragile...

The last few days have been really tough, I've been an inconsolable sobbing mess reliving all the grief, pain, hurt, anger, humiliation, and confusion. All I've wanted to do is go to the lying sack of sh.. and have him hold me, sob into his chest, hear his heartbeat and cry my heart out. I've wanted to ask why? Why did he destroy me? Why throw everything away that we had together? Why, knowing what the consequences would be, that it would absolutely shatter me, did he betray me? 😭😭😭 Why would he do that to me? What did I do wrong? Why didn't he love me enough? Why wasn't any of it - our life, me - enough of a reason to not render it worthless.

I sent him a couple of msgs telling him the above, saying every single instinct I have is to have nothing to do with him or his family, (have been led to believe it was his mum who made horrific and false allegations of abuse and neglect to social services by her OWN SISTER which the MIL denies she knows anything about🤔🤬🤬) yet I can't because we share a daughter. I can't withhold her from family, it isn't right.

I'm heart broken, again. A sobbing, anxiety ridden mess again. 7 months on from seeing the messages, yet, pathetically, it's him the very cause of all this, I've wanted to comfort me. Why?!

Why am I so pathetic? Why am I back here in such a mess? Why can't I let go and move on? 😢

I’m so sorry you are hurting so badly @MollyFitz. Break ups are shit and that’s without adding in that you’ve been with him for nearly all your adult life. I really hope you’ve got some real life support. Have you tried counselling at all? Xx

Oh @MollyFitz , I am so sorry you are feeling so awful. Letting go is easier said than done and seven months is not so very long in the scheme of what was presumably a long term committed relationship in your eyes with a child to nurture together.

You are not pathetic to still have feelings for him and to wish for comfort from someone you loved and probably still do. Feelings don’t get switched off just because he did something awful.

let yourself cry and mourn for the loss and try not to judge yourself for it.

Hi, thanks for replying - yes, I've had months of therapy and it was very helpful in guiding me to realise ex husband is inherently selfish with some narcissistic behavioir traits, and I am a people pleaser🙄

I've made progress: tearful reliving things episodes aren't nearly as frequent but yes... Breakups are shit. I know he hasn't been the man that offered or gave me that comfort for some time, and equally he only showed that he cared about us leaving when I stuck to my guns. Even then, it was all about him, what he was losing, how upset he was, how much he needed me. There was no empathy, little remorse and accountability.

I just hate feeling this way and if I could, if it weren't for our daughter, I'd cut him and his entire family completely out of my life.

Thanks again for reading and replying x

Thank you, yes 26 years together, 16 married and a 6 year old.

I know he's not been loving or affectionate, or even kind to me, for quite a while before he cheated. Years, I suppose. I even warned him before he cheated what the consequence would be if he did and how much it would hurt, shatter and destroy me... And he did it any way because 'he was attracted to her and wanted to'

Some days it all just feels insurmountable and I am back to just about putting one foot in front of the other.

Thank you for your kindness x

Your life has been turned upside down, it’s going to take time for you to start feeling stronger and happier. It’s great you are making progress and well done for having therapy. I’m a fellow people pleaser too. You deserved so much better than to be treated the way you have. He’s weak and he doesn’t deserve you, any man who walks out on a 26 year long relationship is not worthy of your time or your heart. Xxx