How do I know it’s right?

[Messeduplady]

How do you know if someone’s right for you?
The guy I’ve been seeing is kind of, caring and thoughtful but there’s just not an overall physical attraction.

I feel like I’m being an idiot by possibly throwing it away but I just can’t work out what to do.

Maybe give it a bit more time and see if the attraction thing comes in time? these things can sometimes take time

If you don't want to have sex with him then it's not right

How long have you been seeing him?

@TwistedWonder just over 2 months now

Have you slept with him?

@FortyElephants yes , it’s like the attraction was there and then overnight my feelings have changed

Attraction can grow, but it's not a good that having sex made you go off him.

Did he do anything weird or was it just off? Or was it fine, but you felt uncomfortable afterwards?

I think after 2 months you know one way or the other.

If it had only been a few dates I’d say maybe give it more time but your update saying attraction was there and now isn’t - I’d say listen to your gut.

@NewMagicWand i think it just wasn’t as I imagined it? Like the feeling was missing during and after. I know that sounds awful

Just because they are good on paper doesn’t mean they are right for you. You can’t force it.

No, it doesn't sound awful at all.

Yeah, I can understand how it's made you feel. In my experience, the first time is rarely that great because you're just figuring each other out. But you'd expect to feel a warm glow instead of wondering about breaking up.

I waited and waited for the attraction to grow and found myself with kids and a mortgage wondering how I got there. Don't be me. Listen to your gut.

OP - I'm in the same boat as @MsGoodenough and we're now divorcing.

We are probably as well. It's so painful and so avoidable. Hope you're ok @Fishergirl

I know it’s a cliche but I did “just know” very early on (like on date 3) with DH that this was someone I could potentially spend my life with. We obviously got to know eachother a lot better before committing to anything but it was always just quite easy and neither of us have ever seriously thought about ending things. I don’t believe in the one or soulmates but I do think you have to trust your gut and yours is telling you this isn’t right.