Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Concerned for my Friend… and myself.

16 replies

LivinTheLife · 16/03/2025 11:38

A bit of Background first, my ex and myself were friends with another couple. 2 years ago, Me and my DH split up and the friends took my side. (He was abusive) My ex accused me of having an affair with the male friend. I wasn’t. He has also told lies about me to other friends (unsure what… no one will speak to me)
My female friend has always had deep routed jealousy and insecurity issues. She understandably took the allegations quite difficultly but it sent her into a bit of a spiral.
She would track her partners phone, time him, for example if he went to walk to the dog and was longer than he said he’d be, she’d assume he was round seeing me.
I cut off contact with the pair of them because I didn’t want to cause any further issues.
Fast forward to this June, my friends split up. They both separately reached out to me and we started talking again.
It became clear that my female friend didn’t believe my side of the story and we cut off contact with each other again.
Me and the male friend ( Darren) carried on talking and met up occasionally.
Last month, he was round mine watching the football. ( it was the first and only time he’d been round- I’d recently moved to get away from abusive ex) She started pounding at the front door, barged her way into the house and started screaming at the two of us. I hadn’t told her where I’d moved to… turns out she’d purposely bumped into my mum and found out what village I lived in. She then drove around the village until she saw my car and has then been sitting in my street waiting to see if Darren came round.
Since then, I have spotted her or her daughters car in my street 4 times.
Last week, she was doing her stalking and she spotted Darren dropping me off at the end of the road. (We’d been out for a drink to talk about his recent job move) She drove up to me, curb crawled her car next to me, shouting abuse out the window. Drove off. Turned round and sped down the street towards me again. Slammed on her brakes and did another turn around and drove away.
She then drove to Darren’s house and physically assaulted him, forced her way into the house and ransacked the place looking for me (even though she’d just left me at my house 5 miles away).
She obviously had mental issues but I have no idea what to do from here.
I still care about what happens to her and she obviously needs help.
Im also worried that she’ll continue to stalk me and maybe next time, she’ll mow me down in her car rather than turn around.
Do I go to the police? I don’t want to make things worse for her but it needs to stop as it’s getting out of hand.

thanks for reading this far and any advice would be so welcome!

OP posts:
Stripeyanddotty · 16/03/2025 11:39

I’d contact the police.

Octonaut4Life · 16/03/2025 11:49

Definitely police

Bittenonce · 16/03/2025 11:50

Straight off the set of Jeremy Kyle.
Yes, restraining order required.
While it might be that you and Darren are both decent, innocent people who’ve been involved with abusive partners with MH issues, I’d be tempted to stop all contact him with also.

glitterturd · 16/03/2025 11:53

Why invite all this drama into your life? Are you interested in having a more than friends relationship with him ?

TwistedWonder · 16/03/2025 12:19

Is there more to you and Darren being ‘just friends?’

Otherwise I can’t see why you’d put yourself in a position where it looks like the rumours were true.

Obviously his ex is completely unhinged and definitely the police need to be made aware but surely you know how it looks to her?

Maitri108 · 16/03/2025 13:12

You need to tell the police as she's dangerous. I would get a video doorbell and keep a diary of her behaviour. Make sure your house is secure and I'd keep away from Darren for the time being.

TheMagicDeckchair · 16/03/2025 13:21

Are you sure that they have definitely split up?

Regardless, this is a matter for the police, she is harassing/stalking you, and has assaulted your other friend. For all your sakes, she needs help.

LivinTheLife · 16/03/2025 13:42

I agree, she does need help but the problem is, everyone who would help her are unaware of the situation and probably believe her side of the story.
Who helps her?

I have been tempted to cut off all communication with Darren and won’t be meeting up with him for some time! But, he’s literally the only other person I speak to outside of my family or work environment. It probably looks like I’ve been having an affair with him and people are going to believe that regardless of whether I continue to talk to him or not. So should I cut off contact just to please her basically? I’m going to get the same hassle from her regardless… she’s been sat outside my house for months and I haste to bet she will continue to do so. Nothing would change other than I’d lose the only friend I have left.

OP posts:
Maitri108 · 16/03/2025 13:47

You need to report her to the police as she's fixated and has already attacked someone. Keep away from Darren for the time being as you might trigger her.

DPotter · 16/03/2025 13:59

Police definitely.

Check the house's security - chain as well as lock on the front and back door, ring door bell / CCTV.

Check your house insurance and if you have legal cover maybe contact a solicitor about a legal solution.

As for Darren being your only friend - this would be sad even if you didn't have all this drama. So maybe you need to take steps to find some more friendly contact, eg book club, walking group, hobby, drama or singing groups. Cliche I know but they work. You wont find close friendships immediately but friendly people sharing a common interest will be a start.

But first step - contact the local police immediately and ask their advice. As clearly your former friend is violent.

StealthMama · 16/03/2025 14:01

If this one man is then only person you speak to outside of family and work, then you have problems too, don't you.

Face the facts.

Register a complaint of stalking with the police.
Cut contact with them both.
Stop living this ridiculous drama from the past.

You need new friends, hobbies, a social life that fulfils you. A lot more than an ex friend who you didn't having an affair with coming round to watch the football. I mean, seriously?

LivinTheLife · 16/03/2025 14:10

I had friends before I split up with my ex but all those were originally his so we no longer talk.
All my own were weeded out over the 16 years I was with him, as is common in abusive relationships.

You’re right though. I do need my own friends and hobbies. But unfortunately I can’t just summon those out of thin air. It takes time.

OP posts:
DPotter · 16/03/2025 17:52

Finding full friends does take time - yes I agree, but making acquitances is much quicker and a start towards making friends. However can you make contact with the friends you lost ? You literally have nothing to loose in the trying.

unsync · 16/03/2025 18:44

You should definitely report her behaviour to the police, she sounds unhinged. Even if they take it no further at the moment, having a visit from the police might give her pause. Did her ex report the assault and damage?

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 16/03/2025 21:43

Just keep a distance from the pair of them. Stop meeting up with him and stop calling each other. There's clearly unfinished business between them. Why invite all that drama into your life? She has only been stalking because she thinks there's something going on between you, and she probably thinks she was right after seeing you meeting up and getting dropped off. I had a friend couple like this who dragged everyone else into their drama when they split up and it was horrible. I avoided both of them in the end because I just didn't need the aggro.

fluffyblanky · 16/03/2025 21:46

Absolutely don’t stop the friendship with Darren. No way. You are all adults and she is clearly unhinged.

Even if you were to see him as more than friends in time, it is absolutely nothing to do with her.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page