Pregnant and ignored

[Me345]

So I’m 14 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend of only 7 months (it was unplanned and a big shock) has disappeared, nearly 2 weeks now. When we first found out I was pregnant he spiralled, didn’t go to work, didn’t go to the gym, didn’t play football. Basically didn’t function. He then seemed fine. Continued to talk to me, continues to see me. Anyway two weeks ago I reminded him of my scan date and said he is welcome to come if he wants. I didn’t get a response after that. So the next day I sent him another message, basically telling him this is clearly not working as we want different things. Even if we took the baby out of the equation his effort hasn’t been great and if I wasn’t pregnant I would have got bored by now. I didn’t word it like that obviously but I did tell him how much I liked him and the time we spent together I really enjoyed, but just the effort wasn’t there on his part. I also addressed the deathly silence since mentioning the scan and said it spoke volumes. I said to him I’m here if he wants to talk and he knows where I am if he wants to know anything about the baby. No response. I’m so upset with him for not even having the respect to acknowledge me at all. We have before discussed about ghosting people and both agreed that it was really cruel as you are sat there wondering if something might have happened to them. I’m also so shocked this is his reaction to the baby as his dad did this to his mum and he hates him, but now is doing the exact same thing. Anyway today I have woke up quite sad about it and have an urge to message him. Just wondering what do people think is best to do. Do I just now never contact him ever again or should I message him and tell him how he is making me feel. Hormones are clouding my judgement.

I’d leave it, he’s made his feelings clear. Make sure you give baby your surname.

Don’t message him , he doesn’t deserve your time. Look for support from family and friends

Radio silence, you say he knows where you are and how make contact and you’ve heard nothing from him. His silence speaks volumes. Make your own plans, if he deigns to make contact take it from there, but don’t chase.

OP, is there a reason you are going to motor ahead with a pregnancy with a man you have barely met?
Have you the finances and support to be a lone parent?
Being a lone parent is very challenging and not to be taken on easily.

Definitely don't message him. Focus on making plans for you and your future without him.

This comment is very condescending.

I’m very much pro choice and have nothing against abortion, however I think it’s completely wrong to imply that a woman should have an abortion or at least consider having one when her post isn’t anything to do with abortion and there is nothing to suggest she wants one. The same way that if a woman wrote a post saying she was going to have an abortion and the post wasn’t about her questioning her decision, I’d never dream of suggesting she shouldn’t have one.

You don’t know her circumstances or financial situation and it’s very judgemental to assume or question that she hasn’t made an informed decision to keep the baby.

I’m 39 years old, I have a child from a previous relationship who is 6 who I fully financially support. I have a very good job and earn a lot of money. I own two properties and I also have lots of family and friends around that can help support with the baby. So yes thank you I am fully aware it’s hard and I’m able to support the baby alone. I actually earn more then the dad so even if we was together wouldn’t have expected anything from him. Thank you for your concern though.

Thank you everyone else, I will continue to just get on with things without him. I’m just having a bit of a sad morning.

I also have not barely met him, I’ve known him 7 years we just only got romantic 7 months ago.

Go round his house? See him face to face

That’s completely understandable and it’s horrible that he’s just ghosted you. It says a lot about him though. It sounds like the baby is being born into a very loving and supportive family though and is very lucky to have you.

Its horrible when any relationship breaks down but I can’t imagine how hard it must whilst your pregnant and your hormones are heightened.

You are absolutely smashing it - I’m sorry he is being so awful but it’s clear to me that, whatever happens, you’ll be great x

Im sorry you are going through this. I went through the same thing twice so I know how you feel and it isn't nice! I think maybe message him telling him how what he is doing is making you feel and that you are both having a child together whether he likes it or not and the baby is going to be here regardless. If he doesn't message back or still continues to be absent and not support you, financially, emotionally or physically then just leave him to it. Some men unfortunately are like this and sometimes change once the baby is born, however some don't. I say message him and if he doesn't respond etc then leave him alone unless he contacts you. Pregnancy is very demanding and hard work and really plays with your emotions. Try and focus on you and baby and future possibly without him.

I’d leave it for now and update him if you feel like it when there’s any significant news about the pregnancy. Like after your scan you could write a quick message just saying that everything looks good with the baby, or after the 20 week scan if you want to leave it longer. And then when your baby has safely arrived and you’ve chosen a name. But I’d formulate those messages in a way that shows you’re not really expecting a reply - so don’t ask question just tell him the info you would like him to know.

I had my scan on Thursday and when I left I really wanted to tell him about how much the baby was moving, purely because it was really funny and I couldn’t help but laugh, and he has been my go to to tell all my silly funny life stories to of late, but then I remembered he had disappeared into a black hole so I didn’t bother. Maybe I will after the 20 week scan, see how I feel now. I feel like emotions are too high right now and it would be evident that I’m hurt and less of a factual thing.

Good for you then.
You are not naive about how tough it can be.
So many women are surprised at just how hard and lonely it can be to be a single parent doing it all alone, particularly to continue to work and cover childcare.
Best of luck with your decisions.