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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I in the wrong?

20 replies

Weddingbells6 · 15/03/2025 18:20

This is how the convo went.

Him: “What takeaway do you want?”
Me: “I’m happy for you to choose.”
Him: “I would rather you chose.”

Repeat at least 4 times.

So…
Me: “I don’t want xxxx takeaway.” (doesn’t have anything I like but he loves it)
Him: That’s what I wanted.
Me: “Well I’ll have it then.”
Him: “Not now I know you don’t want it.”

Arggghhhhhh

Not an isolated incident and if he was otherwise a good partner and Dad I would just laugh it off but he’s a completely selfish person! But genuinely wondering if people think the same as me and that if he had something in mind that he could have just said? Or maybe I should have offered a suggestion instead of saying something I don’t want? But the truth is there are at least another 3 places that I would have been happy to have.

My reaction may be over the top because I’ve had to wake him up for work every day this week and he spent 3 hours asleep on the sofa yesterday evening leaving me solo parenting even though he works 7 hours a day sat on his arse. Oh and I spent some money with the kids today and he had the cheek to say “Oh you been spending while I’m at work.” I responded that he doesn’t support us financially and that it’s my money and that I’m not sitting in the house doing nothing just because he’s at work. Oh and he wouldn’t let our son go on the Xbox because he was watching the football but then went upstairs in the middle of the match for a bath 😂 couldn’t make it up.

In case anyone tells me to leave him, it’s my house, I’ve told him it’s over, he can’t afford to leave, I know I can change the locks, I know I need to be stronger but I’m working my way up to it.

OP posts:
FidosMum84 · 15/03/2025 18:25

I don’t see anything selfish in that exchange. It’s a typical discussion in many relationships.

Sounds like you need a break. Can he look after the kids while you go do something to make you feel better? Preferably away from him?

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:27

All sounds like a wonderful and happy environment for children to grow up in. With you two squabbling like this and mum of the view that dad is “completely selfish” crap partner

lovely

Buttonknot · 15/03/2025 18:27

Well, given your last two paragraphs, I'd just go ahead and order the takeaway I want tbh.

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:28

Just seen your username

let me guess

you’re planning a wedding with him

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:30

Bloody hell

all your recent threads about basically how much you hate this man

and then one about plans for your wedding

very odd

Weddingbells6 · 15/03/2025 18:31

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:28

Just seen your username

let me guess

you’re planning a wedding with him

That username was chosen for the exact reason of no one would ever guess it’s me because I would rather poke my eyes out with red hot pokers than ever get married.

OP posts:
Weddingbells6 · 15/03/2025 18:32

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:30

Bloody hell

all your recent threads about basically how much you hate this man

and then one about plans for your wedding

very odd

I’m not getting married? Which post? You’re just assuming! Some people like to be anonymous on here? Wouldn’t be ideal if I posted my full name would it?

OP posts:
Weddingbells6 · 15/03/2025 18:33

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:27

All sounds like a wonderful and happy environment for children to grow up in. With you two squabbling like this and mum of the view that dad is “completely selfish” crap partner

lovely

Thanks for the great advice, helpful.

OP posts:
Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:34

Weddingbells6 · 15/03/2025 18:32

I’m not getting married? Which post? You’re just assuming! Some people like to be anonymous on here? Wouldn’t be ideal if I posted my full name would it?

The one where you talk about who you’re asking to be your bridesmaid. Not your own thread

but dozens of threads about your immature and narcissistic and lazy OH

Weddingbells6 · 15/03/2025 18:34

FidosMum84 · 15/03/2025 18:25

I don’t see anything selfish in that exchange. It’s a typical discussion in many relationships.

Sounds like you need a break. Can he look after the kids while you go do something to make you feel better? Preferably away from him?

Thanks. No it wouldn’t be possible because he’s in the bath now looking after his own needs after I’ve looked after them all day. Think maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill 😂

OP posts:
Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:35

Weddingbells6 · 15/03/2025 18:33

Thanks for the great advice, helpful.

This will be hell op
and you can’t cut it any other way
thread after thread about how unhappy you are and all the arguments and nastiness

Weddingbells6 · 15/03/2025 18:35

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:34

The one where you talk about who you’re asking to be your bridesmaid. Not your own thread

but dozens of threads about your immature and narcissistic and lazy OH

Can you link it?

OP posts:
Weddingbells6 · 15/03/2025 18:37

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:35

This will be hell op
and you can’t cut it any other way
thread after thread about how unhappy you are and all the arguments and nastiness

Ok well that’s that then, I definitely don’t deserve any advice or views from anyone because I’ve been unhappy for a long time and people can’t take anything at face value. Perfect.

OP posts:
Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:38

Oh sorry he asked you to marry him
but you said no because you want to kick him out but because he’s shit with money, he would have no where to go

Weddingbells6

I don’t want any bridesmaids at my wedding but have several close friends that asked me to be theirs. Is it rude not to return the ‘favour’ and ask them? I feel like when you’re mid 30’s it seems a bit childish but completely appreciate others feel differently.

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:38

Weddingbells6 · 15/03/2025 18:37

Ok well that’s that then, I definitely don’t deserve any advice or views from anyone because I’ve been unhappy for a long time and people can’t take anything at face value. Perfect.

The advice is same as on your other threads

leave him / kick him out

Weddingbells6 · 15/03/2025 18:39

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:38

Oh sorry he asked you to marry him
but you said no because you want to kick him out but because he’s shit with money, he would have no where to go

Weddingbells6

I don’t want any bridesmaids at my wedding but have several close friends that asked me to be theirs. Is it rude not to return the ‘favour’ and ask them? I feel like when you’re mid 30’s it seems a bit childish but completely appreciate others feel differently.

Edited

You’re mistaken or reading this wrong. I haven’t posted that anywhere. I have t been a bridesmaid since I was a little girl and I haven’t been asked either.

OP posts:
Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:41

Weddingbells6 · 15/03/2025 18:39

You’re mistaken or reading this wrong. I haven’t posted that anywhere. I have t been a bridesmaid since I was a little girl and I haven’t been asked either.

So this isn’t you?

Am I in the wrong?
Justme2023123 · 15/03/2025 18:46

The conversation would annoy me OP because I'm tired of being the one who decides what we eat all the time. And you did have a preference, so could have said "anywhere but X place" that you know you don't like.
But if he's in every other sense a useless twat, it's probably not about the takeaway and you should maybe work on kicking him out so you can live again.

Boogerwooger · 15/03/2025 18:47

Just tell him what you'd like at the start, he asked you!

Hekett · 15/03/2025 18:48

Ketchupbroc · 15/03/2025 18:41

So this isn’t you?

🤔

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