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Original poster

How much compromise to make in a relationship?

33 replies

RedHot2025 · 15/03/2025 15:57

How much compromise to make in a relationship?

Been together 5.5 years. Always weekends. Talked about moving in, he's not ready. Same with previous girlfriend of 9 years, never moved in together it ended.

He's not great at communicating so answers are always vague, one day, not just yet. I never imagined almost 6 years of weekends. However, we go on holiday, go away for breaks etc. Both own separate homes.

To some that would suit but, it feels short of a committed relationship to me, feels part time. No one else involved. He was married once ended 16 years ago.

Is he just not that into me?

OP posts:
Original poster
RedHot2025 · 15/03/2025 18:15

FidosMum84 · 15/03/2025 18:02

It is worrying to restart. But for me I know what I want - someone to come home to. Someone to wake up with in the morning and a decent balance of time together and doing our own thing. Certainly not someone under my feet 24/7. I know I won’t get what I want in a part time set up. And it’ll make me miserable. I’ve had this with someone who’d never commit to me and it did.

If you can see yourself compromising because what you have is better than being completely alone then that’s really your decision. Sometimes people do go for the least worst option.

Thank you

OP posts:
Gundogday · 15/03/2025 18:16

Hes a companion, not a full time partner. As @Mymanyellow says, you’re his weekend entertainment. I presume he comes to your house.

Does he have any independent hobbies, or friends that he sees during the week? Or even wants to see at the weekend? I’m guessing not, and you’re his social life, and he’s happy that way.

Sulu17 · 15/03/2025 18:18

I agree with the others, I would be very surprised if you ever got him to sell up/move in /buy a house together. Fear of starting over isn't a great reason to stay in a relationship. I met someone new and married again when I was older than you!

Original poster
RedHot2025 · 15/03/2025 18:19

Gundogday · 15/03/2025 18:16

Hes a companion, not a full time partner. As @Mymanyellow says, you’re his weekend entertainment. I presume he comes to your house.

Does he have any independent hobbies, or friends that he sees during the week? Or even wants to see at the weekend? I’m guessing not, and you’re his social life, and he’s happy that way.

Yes he plays a sport at the weekend and does that when it's on, it's only in the summer.

I'm.the problem, I don't have enough interests in my life so.get lonely. Iys a me problem so I.need to find things for me to do so I'm not lonely.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 15/03/2025 19:18

I’m in my 50’s and I do think for a lot of people our age, what you’ve currently got is the ideal scenario. I don’t actually know any of my friends who want to cohabit again so this would suit us.

But if it’s not right for you then you have to decide whether to end it and look for someone who wants the whole live together thing or realise there’s very slim pickings out there at this age and that it’s better the devil you know.

Edited as just seen your update - maybe that’s the key, to have interests and a social circle of your own so you don’t have time feeling lonely waiting till you see him.

Original poster
RedHot2025 · 15/03/2025 19:21

TwistedWonder · 15/03/2025 19:18

I’m in my 50’s and I do think for a lot of people our age, what you’ve currently got is the ideal scenario. I don’t actually know any of my friends who want to cohabit again so this would suit us.

But if it’s not right for you then you have to decide whether to end it and look for someone who wants the whole live together thing or realise there’s very slim pickings out there at this age and that it’s better the devil you know.

Edited as just seen your update - maybe that’s the key, to have interests and a social circle of your own so you don’t have time feeling lonely waiting till you see him.

Edited

I agree it's slim pickings in your 50s.

You're right though, it would suit many
Maybe I need to fill my life in other ways.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 15/03/2025 19:23

RedHot2025 · 15/03/2025 19:21

I agree it's slim pickings in your 50s.

You're right though, it would suit many
Maybe I need to fill my life in other ways.

Show quote history

For me becoming single at 49, it was finding a good circle of female friends that’s made a real difference to my life.
I’ve stopped looking to date because I’m too busy much of the time.

Finding new friends and hobbies will help fill your downtime and then the days between seeing your partner won’t seem so long.

Tgfh · 15/03/2025 20:44

TwistedWonder · 15/03/2025 19:23

For me becoming single at 49, it was finding a good circle of female friends that’s made a real difference to my life.
I’ve stopped looking to date because I’m too busy much of the time.

Finding new friends and hobbies will help fill your downtime and then the days between seeing your partner won’t seem so long.

Show quote history

Completely agree with this.
Having an interesting, genuine circle of females friends as you age is the greatest gift you can have.
Focus on your time being filled with opportunities to meet new people.

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