Marriage over

[Ackwhat]

Hello,

My husband is leaving me, we've been married for nine years have a four year old DS with SEN needs,

He's citing being lonely in our marriage as a reason, he's a full time worker where I work part time, I've been suffering with MH issues and Endometriosis for quite a few years now which doesn't always makes me the the happiest to be around,

Husband does majority of school drop of and collections and large percentage of housework and cooking due to the pain I'm in. We're not very intimate due to above reasons and the fact that I've never been a massively snuggly person.

I'm shocked really thought we'd be in for the long haul, husband wants to do a 50/50 split and has come up with a rota that he feels works, three nights one week and four the next with alternate weekends. He's also mentioned sending £500 a month to support me, the house will need to be sold.

I really want him to stay but not sure how or what I can change, I can't do an anything more than I already do.

Any advice.

All you can do is accept his decision OP. Life is too short for anybody to be unhappy.

You can't make him stay OP. He's already checked out. You need to focus on how you're going to manage on your own in future.

I’m so sorry that you’ve found yourself in this situation and it must be a shock for you if you weren’t aware he was unhappy. It seems that you’ve had a lot to cope with health-wise yourself and having a SEN child itself is stressful.

Have you had any help with your mental health? Is this something you could work on more? Also I understand endometriosis can be debilitating, are you being treated and do you have a good consultant?

It’s a horrible situation to be in and I can understand why you must feel so upset and I think some posters have been quite harsh in their wording. I mean this very gently because I really feel for you and understand you have had it very hard, but sometimes it’s very hard being around someone going through a mental health crisis without adding in your endometriosis struggles too. I really think you need to focus on your own mental health and get as much support and treatment as you possibly can. Your husband obviously feels lonely and that’s understandable, maybe he has reached the point of no return, but maybe you can speak to him and see if he’d consider giving you time to really work very hard on improving your mental health and then trying couples counselling before making any final decisions, but that’s up to your husband to decide.

Good luck OP xx

Get some legal advice OP, he has a plan which suggests you will be loosing out.

What sort of plan?

You cannot make him stay but I would do everything possible to get a fair financial settlement for your child and you. Seek legal advice asap.

He’s offering her £500 a month even with shared care where no child support is due in the vast majority of cases? How’s she losing out?

Thank you, he's very reasonable but just feels like we've reached the road end.

I'm under the care of my GP

He's offering us money

There is no property and op does seem to be at risk of being financially shafted re his proposed settlement.

I would urge you to seek legal advice re his proposed settlement before accepting it.

We jointly own the house which we'll sell and split, we've both paid into the mortgage. I will seek advice though

You need also to be under the care of a consultant gynaecologist re the endometriosis.

OP - i am sorry you are in this place. But I really think you need to use this as a wake up call and sort yourself out.
I have had my struggles with depression and anxiety - and I know how down one may feel. But at the same time - I also know its up to me to pull myself out of it - seek therapy, medication, etc. It’s easy to blame MH for a lot - but you also need to accept responsibility and do everything you can to get out of it.
Same about endometriosis. There are treatments, including surgery.

I can see how it must be frustrating for a one partner if they work, and do most domestic duties while their partner does little to get better, and gives them nothing emotionally and physically.

It’s a tough place. He lasted a long time, but seems quite decent about it.

In your place - i’d use this chance to turn my life around. Surely you do not like living this way yourself…

There is property, the OP said the house will need to be sold. I agree with you the OP needs to seek legal advice to ensure she gets a fair settlement.

@Ackwhat it’s very well for him to say he’ll give you £500 a month but that’s just words, he could stop it at any point.

No pension is mentioned, I should have written that instead of property. But where will op and her ex h live going forwards?

Kindly it sounds like you need more support than just your GP with regards to your MH and your endometriosis.

You need to be under the care of a consultant gynaecologist re the endometriosis.