How to let someone down gently

[hopes2409]

Hi first time posting and looking for some advice

been on a couple dates with someone I had met through a work colleague over a year ago , knew them for around a year before the dates but never saw them on a regular basis , the dates happened as I had a few drinks and asked him out , since then I’ve been feeling really uneasy , the dates I have been on I’ve just felt uncomfortable and I’ve not looked forward to going on them, I was very nervous so thought it may be due to that so thought after a few dates I would feel more comfortable and wanted to give it a chance however I’m not wanting to go on any more but wondering how I can word it to him as I think he thinks I really like him, my work colleague keeps talking like we are an item , feel I’ve got myself into a bit of a mess here and want to try and distance myself but in the nicest way I can

we haven’t slept together , few kisses on the first date non since

thanks for reading

I think you've just got to be totally honest and upfront about it within a conversation. I wouldn't slowly let it fade out because then he may think there's hope and it'll linger on.

In person or via text? If it’s only a few dates, I’d just text and say something like not working for me, but wish you all the best for the future etc. ?

in text I am wanting to let him
know , I just feel so bad and anxious about what to send

"I don't think this is working for either of us", "Neither of us really seems to be feeling it", "I'm not really feeling it", "Sorry, there's no spark for me"
Just rip the plaster off, OP.

Just remind yourself you’re not the only fish in the sea, OP, and the sooner you cut him loose to find someone who likes him, the better. You don’t owe him a relationship. Just tell him that this isn’t working for you. If you think he’s a good guy, you can say you think he’s a good guy but you’re not feeling it so you’re going to draw a line under it.

Don’t say anything about his feelings because he can argue with you about what he’s feeling. Equally, don’t say anything about not wanting to waste his time because he can argue that you’re not wasting his time.

I see us as just friends.

Really do appreciate people taking the time to comment it’s very kind , just need to pull my finger out and message him

What's the bad feeling? Do you feel unsafe around him?

Hi Tim, thanks for taking the personal time and effort for meeting me on our recent dates. I really appreciate it.
At the moment, I’ve decided to step back from taking it any further with you.
However, I just want to wish you well and hope you find someone who is just right for you.
Kind Regards, Hopes.

I added the ‘any further with you’ because I thought if you say you are stepping back from dating, he might just see it as a pause.

You’re a great guy and I enjoy your company but the chemistry just isn’t right.

I think you just have to be totally honest but be kind.
I've done a few messages post a first or second date (via OLD) and tend to write it down to read over and then pop it in chatgpt lol to rephrase it. Then tweak it.
I usually go along the lines of "I wanted to be honest with you. I have enjoyed spending time with you but don't feel that this is giving me what I am looking for. I hope you understand and am sure that you'll find someone who can give you what you want"

Have been at the other end of ghosting and faze outs, I'd always much rather a direct message. I'm a grown up, I'll get over it, but at least I know and am not left in limbo.

Be prepared for even an honest message to be taken badly.