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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Newish Relationship- is it me?

14 replies

AtLeastIDidntUseASpoon · 14/03/2025 21:05

I’ve been dating a man for a short time and I’m going to end the relationship, but he’s making me question myself. He keeps messaging constantly. If I’m busy, I could be cooking or driving and don’t see his messages, he keeps messaging “Babe?” When I answer, he says he was worried. I got fed up of it today and asked why was he worried when he knew I was busy, he just wouldn’t answer at all, just kept changing the subject and when I persisted he kept saying I love you.

He also keeps saying I love you a lot, and asking me if I’m happy, do I love him and does anyone else love me? It feels like he’s so needy, it’s stifling. I’ve had a few messages where he says don’t leave me, or don’t replace me.

I met up with some friends (different area) and we all went out for dinner last night and I was staying in one of their houses overnight. My friend is a man, married and I slept in their spare room. The first message I had the next day from my boyfriend was, “did you cheat on me?”, “you just need to tell me”, “you went out with a man, you stayed at HIS house, you must have cheated”. I got so annoyed, I told him never to talk to me like that again. I’ve never cheated, and I’m sick of the way he has been speaking to me, I won’t put up with it. He just said “Sorry babe, won’t do it again”.

He feels so full on, it’s too much. I know it’s not right and I’m going to end it, but it’s making me question myself. Why is he doing it? Is it him or me that’s the problem? He is starting to creep me out a bit, I’m not sure how he’ll react when I end it. I know I should just block him and be done with it but is it me, am I the problem? It feels like such a head fuck. I don’t need him and he’s not adding anything to my life, apart from pissing me off. Why am I questing myself about this? Writing this down has made me realise how stupid I’ve been by staying with him for as long as I have.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/03/2025 21:07

Red flag- dump and run

TwistedWonder · 14/03/2025 21:08

Massive controlling vibe and more red flags than Putins birthday parade

Dump block don’t look back

MikeRafone · 14/03/2025 21:11

He’s desperate and that’s really off putting

Loamyearth · 14/03/2025 21:13

I promise you that you are not the problem. Good on you for knowing that you need to get out.

Diningtableornot · 14/03/2025 21:13

It's definitely time to get out, you're right there.
If you can't face meeting him to tell him face to face, then make it a phone call. The two of you are not compatible and you need to end it. No, he hasn't done anything wrong, but the spark isn't there and that's all there is to it. No, you can't imagine ever changing your mind. No, you can't be friends because you know that he's in love with you so a clean break is best. You wish him well.
Then block him.

shellyleppard · 14/03/2025 21:15

@AtLeastIDidntUseASpoon he's overbearing and controlling.....dump and block. Giving me the ick just reading your post x

TennisLady · 14/03/2025 21:16

Already showing controlling behaviour… run for the hills.

Bluenotgreen · 14/03/2025 21:17

Dump and block.

Then pray he fucks off quietly. His sort has a tendency to hang around. Don’t be afraid to call police if he’s acting weirdly.

HomeBodyClub · 14/03/2025 21:17

Ick. Needy and insecure.
End it by text with no option of working on it.

melonalone · 14/03/2025 21:44

Oh god OP this would really put me off and I get why you’re nervous to end it. Can you gear up to it by saying things like “I don’t feel good enough for you” and “you deserve to be happy and I can’t make you happy” etc? Utter nonsense obviously but might help avoid him blowing up at you when you end it if it seems like his idea/he’s better off?

AtLeastIDidntUseASpoon · 16/03/2025 13:55

Thanks everyone. I messaged him ending things. He hasn’t messaged back or got in contact in any other way, so hopefully he’ll stay away.

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 16/03/2025 15:33

AtLeastIDidntUseASpoon · 16/03/2025 13:55

Thanks everyone. I messaged him ending things. He hasn’t messaged back or got in contact in any other way, so hopefully he’ll stay away.

Block, block and block. And well done for not letting it drag on.

Happyinarcon · 16/03/2025 15:36

AtLeastIDidntUseASpoon · 16/03/2025 13:55

Thanks everyone. I messaged him ending things. He hasn’t messaged back or got in contact in any other way, so hopefully he’ll stay away.

Brilliant, now prepare for the tears flowers and chocolates

NewMagicWand · 16/03/2025 15:36

I don't think you did anything wrong. You're identified that his behaviour is inappropriate and you've ended the relationship. You've got strong boundaries and you're willing to enforce them.

Absolutely well done you!

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