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Original poster

Should I expect commitment after 3 months of dating?

58 replies

Mummblebee · 14/03/2025 11:29

I have been dating someone for 3 months. It's going well and we meet up every weekend during this time and yes we are sleeping together. I have asked where he sees it going and he said its too early for him to call me his girlfriend although he does see it progressing to a relationship. He has also said he would like me to loose weight and get to know me a bit more before being 100% happy being his girlfriend. I am trying to loose weight for myself but am struggling. I feel a little deflated and not sure where to go from here, as I'm starting to feel like it's me who makes more effort with good morning texts and travelling to see him weekly. What would you do? I like him a lot and don't want id to end but don't know if I'm completely happy carrying on much longer in limbo. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 14/03/2025 12:35

Just to add hes almost certainly got no intention of ‘making you his gf’

He’s happy with a no strings shag with you making all the effort.

Honestly please find a bit of self respect and raise your bar to exclude zero effort men

RightThenFred · 14/03/2025 12:48

Fuck me, who does he think he is? Raise your standards.

Molstraat · 14/03/2025 12:59

Is this for real?
Dump this pig and focus on your self esteem.

ym56 · 14/03/2025 13:01

Jeezo get him right in the bin!!!

Original poster
Mummblebee · 14/03/2025 13:19

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the advice.

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 14/03/2025 13:20

I’m finding losing weight hard. It’s demoralising how slow my progress is and then the occasional gains make me feel worse. Like you, I’m doing it for myself, for my health and to save money: not just on food but the larger clothes I have to buy. What neither of us need is unnecessary crap bringing us down especially if you comfort eat. A man you barely know is unnecessary.

I’m not suggesting you stop dating just stop dating him. People should accept and respect you as you are or sod off. Especially people you barely know.

He is probably sleeping with other women who he feels aren’t quite up to his standards for a GF. He is probably setting them tasks and hoops to jump through too. Don’t play the game.

I’ve grown to realise no sex without monogamy suits me best. I don’t think badly of women who don’t need that, I just don’t have their confidence. It doesn’t make me popular though. If you think that might suit you, stand your ground. And by that I don’t mean that I tell dates I expect them to stop sleeping with other women, just that they won’t be sleeping with me while they are.

Dump him and date people who make you feel good. There’s a good chance having fun and feeling good will help with your weight loss.

HomeBodyClub · 14/03/2025 13:21

I haven’t read beyond he wants you to lose weight. Get him in the bin. He will string you along and use you for sex.

perfectcolourfound · 14/03/2025 13:46

I too didn't read beyond the fact he's told you to lose weight.

If my DH of decades said that I'd be furious - and of course wouldn't consider losing weight for him - but if someone I'd known 3 months said it, I would never see them again.

And his entitlement! Doesn't want to call you his gf or make any sort of commitment, but happy to have sex with you and tell you to lose weight.

Bin him without hesitation.

Nameftgigb · 14/03/2025 13:51

He doesn’t see you as ‘good enough’ to be his girlfriend so you’re just going to be his shag until something better comes along. He’s a piece of shit btw and you deserve better.

tropicalroses · 14/03/2025 15:23

I'm not sure I'd even dump him, just disappear. What an absolute prick he is. Better luck next time.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 14/03/2025 17:13

So you do all the travelling, you're good enough to fuck but not good enough to be his girlfriend. Fuck. That. Shit.

Run far, far away and don't ever look back

TheAmusedQuail · 14/03/2025 17:33

Tell him you're really keen to lose weight for him. And that you'd like him to develop a 6 pack for you, before you can commit any further.

Original poster
Mummblebee · 14/03/2025 18:16

Thank you all. Some of the replies made me smile. Time to put myself first!

OP posts:
HomeBodyClub · 14/03/2025 18:33

I can’t believe you have to travel to him and initiate the communication. I bet he never takes you out either.

You can do so much better.

Normallynumb · 14/03/2025 19:23

No one should put conditions on you like that!!
Personally I would entertain a relationship with someone so shallow..
know your worth
for example, I’m disabled and I find this weeds out the twats..

ChristmasCwtch · 14/03/2025 22:09

OP, you are better than this situation!!

He’s happy for you to travel to him for (presumably fairly mediocre) sex… but he’d like you to lose weight before he decides if you make the cut to be his girlfriend?

Fuck that shit!! In the bin with him.

outerspacepotato · 14/03/2025 22:15

No. There's nothing worth anything here.

PinkArt · 14/03/2025 22:35

Mummblebee · 14/03/2025 18:16

Thank you all. Some of the replies made me smile. Time to put myself first!

Hell yeah it is. Dump the asshole, remember your worth, onwards and upwards.

Sodthesystem · 14/03/2025 22:38

What on earth have I just read?
Why are you continuing anything with a man who not only, hasn't committed to you after a few turns around the bedroom, but also tells you he wants you to lose weight!

Get some standards love. He's a scumball.

Fountains · 14/03/2025 22:39

OP, the genuinely alarming thing here is that you’ve meekly accepted him body-shaming you while you trotted back and forth to see him and tried to lose weight on his instructions for three months, while he auditioned you for a girlfriend. Don’t date again till you’ve worked on your self-esteem.

2025willbemytime · 14/03/2025 22:40

He's using you for sex. Good enough to shag but not to be shown off as his girlfriend. Yuk. I hope you dump him.

Lost20211 · 14/03/2025 22:42

Run fast, run far.

He’s a fucking asshole.

Sodthesystem · 14/03/2025 22:47

For future reference op, I'd expect them to be committed within 6-8 weeks. Less if you've slept together several times already before then.

Once you start sleeping together it's really decision time. As long as you've been dating you at least a month too. If they like you enough to sleep with you repeatedly, then they know whether they want a relationship or not with you already. If they're still 'i don't know what I want' about it - they don't want a relationship with you and never will. They just don't want you to know that.

Gowlett · 14/03/2025 22:49

Now you’ve brought it up, he’ll start cooling off…

DivorcedMumOfAdults · 14/03/2025 22:49

I’m glad you have decided to stop wasting your time on this low life.
Im sorry you have been let down but I am afraid it’s all too common so don’t beat yourself up about it
You had fun but it’s not going anywhere so invest your time in things that will make your life better.
I am much happier single but I have done the marriage and kids thing already.
Think about what you want from a partner before you start dating
I believe you have to love yourself before you can expect any one else to fall in love with you.