When I met my boyfriend 4 years ago he was around 2 years single. He was 13 years older than me. I was 31. I remember him telling me his ex had been really messy when they met. He described it as her full house was hoarded up. A cat pooing everywhere etc..he told me how she was struggling with paying a mortgage. He helped her sort the house out. Turn it around. Did the garden. Re pointed the bricks. From what I had seen on Facebook of her she was a normal person. I didnt see any signs of mess. She was independent. No children. Worked hard. I couldn't see any way she would have been dependant on him.
When we met I still shared a house (now sold) with My ex. So 18 months ago I began renting. I have a nice bungalow. Its 6 years old. It's small I guess. Open planned. When I moved in I bought sofas. Table. Beds and bedroom furniture all brand new. Plus a washer and fridge freezer. All my kitchen stuff was new aswel. I wasn't hoarded up at all. The kids have had 2 Christmas and 2 birthdays each so they have more toys.
My house is cleaned regular and can be tidied up in an hour usually. The actual bedrooms can need a serious tidy up twice a month because the kids do play and get their toys out. My 10 year old is currently into messy projects like Loom bands, making stuff and crafts. So her room often is a little upside down. She's not the best at putting washing and rubbish in the bin. But that's the story of many parents.
Overall I feel I have a nice home. When my boyfriend comes over. He acts like he's constantly running about after me. I find it really patronising. If I make a sandwich he's constantly saying I've just tidied this kitchen and how have you managed in 5 minutes to trash the place. He also comments that the table gets stuff put onto it. He says when you open my cupboards everything falls out because I'm so messy.
Recently he's been needing to stay with his daughter because of work reasons and he's searching for a new house as landlord has sold his. He told me while she was working he tidied up her whole kitchen and it was messy bla bla bla. Because she had been baking a cake etc.
He then said why is it when I come to your house or go to my daughters I always end up tidying up after you both.
He doesn't have much anymore. He got into allt of debt last year as he lost his job for a while. He's not got any furniture etc. Sometimes I find it weird he has a suitcase to show for his entire life. But I'm really fed up of him putting me down when I'm capable of running my home and working and caring for my kids too.
He also commented that his ex wife and he never allowed the kids rooms to be a mess etc. Their house was always spotless. Yet they had a miserable marriage!