Too tired for sex

[Insanity23]

Hi MN crew
advice please.
My OH (48) often says he’s tired when he gets to bed and often falls asleep sometimes without even saying goodnight to me. I have said I’d like us to spend some intimate time together once or twice a week. I feel like I have more of an interest than he does. He’s never really had a great sex drive.
Anyway lately it just feels like hard work as it’s hard to get someone who’s falling asleep interested and I end up feeling rejected by that. I also feel like maybe he’s not that attracted to me.
not sure what to do as when I bring it up he gets very defensive about it. It feels like a bit of a growing problem.
Anyone else experience this? Any advice ? Thanks.

Could you do it in the mornings?

Unfortunately not as he gets up at 6! Would be a good idea otherwise.

A morning when he's not going to work?

When was the last time he had a check up? He could have low testosterone or some other reason for low libido.

Work is every day unfortunately:(
no wfh either.

I think a check up is overdue and I suspect low testosterone actually.

Hea working every day? No wonder he's tired and doesn't feel like sex, poor guy must be knackered. Maybe a wider conversation with him about work/ home life balance is needed.

He’s never really had a great sex drive.

These things don’t improve with time. How long have you been together? What were things like at their best?

He might have just lost his desire for you. Mine has for me. Libido never tends to improve with men. It just gets worse as they get older particularly if it wasn’t great when younger.

Has he ever been rampant in that department or has it always been a bit lacklustre?

Mine has never had a high sex drive (with me) and I was ok with that as I didn’t really either. However whereas once every couple of weeks would do me, he is a once every now and again type, usually when pissed and hasn’t been near me for a year now. He is 55 and I think has lost interest. He won’t admit it though.

it’s very frustrating. His first wife had an affair and I can sort of see why now as he was similar with her apparently too.

If he's at work every day he must be exhausted.

Can you discuss this with him? Is he self employed?

Does he have no relaxation time?

He gets up for work at six every day? That seems like a difficult work pattern.

He doesn’t work at the weekend. Monday to Friday only. Around 9-5/6/7 it varies but I don’t think it’s excessive.
he’s not one of those sex mad types never has been. Always been a bit reserved I guess. It has always felt a bit awkward and more so lately.

He works every day!

No wonder he isn't interested. . .

Yes maybe he’s not that into me. I really don’t know.

7 days a week? No wonder the poor bloke is knackered!

Yes it feels a bit imbalanced. He’d rather watch you tube or play on his phone I think.

I had this, sent him to the doctor for low libido, where he managed to get Viagra for the escorts he’s seeing! We are now separated.

@Betty162 Gosh that’s awful. Sorry to hear. I hope that’s not the case here.

I have little free time and am not interested tbh. I greatly prefer downtime with my books, crafts,films etc. maybe he needs more free time and somehow to be less exhausted.

Can you guys go to bed earlier

Don't take it personally but have an honest chat, there could be all sorts going on, stress, impotence, depression, anxiety, money worries, work worries, general life tiredness that's making it worse at the moment. If it were the other way round what would you want him to do?
If he's never had a huge sex drive it wouldn't take much to tip it further off. Also don't jump straight onto the 'hes having an affair' road although I think as women it's one of our first thoughts! I'm sure there's more to a it a sensitive chat would reveal.