How to end a marriage that isn't working

[Brentinger]

Looking for advice from anyone who has been in a marriage and has felt deeply unhappy.

How did you find the courage to end it? How did you deal with the guilt of breaking up a family for the sake of your own well-being? The fear of being alone? Wondering how you will cope?

I've been unhappy in my marriage for a good while and am at breaking point - DP has no set job, won't progress onto any career (temp work for 10+ years), we have no physical intimacy, separate bedrooms, is moody, we have no emotional connection....the list could go on. It's making me depressed.

Despite this, we have been through couples therapy ; hasn't worked at all.

I vowed to stay until our youngest starts school (DC 5 and 2) - I just don't think I can last another 18 months.

I'm the main breadwinner, would have to pay child support and unsure how we could afford separate housing - unless we move to a cheaper town.

Any help/advice/hand holding would be so much appreciated!

Sorry to hear this. You do sound very unhappy. Could you stay in the house and he move out? Would he do that?

I would go and see a solicitor about your legal and financial position, particularly if you may have to pay him support.

sending strength!

I'm afraid I cant offer practical advice, other than seeing a solicitor that specialises in family law so as you can be prepared. There is nothing like feeling you have some control over something when your emotions are everywhere.
I am currently stood on that precipice and about to hurl myself into the unknown - the life on the other side of an unhappy long term relationship.
I find writing has always helped me - a journal maybe? (keep it safe though), writing on here? - the support here is amazing :-)
Reading other posts is also helpful and can make you feel not so alone.
Sending good vibes in this horrible time.

1st thing I’d do is go see a good solicitor about the maintenance
you earn and should get universal top up. Look into that now.
make a plan. Look after yourself.
there is no good age for children. Mine where in high school and effected them.butvas young adults now with their own partners they understand relationships better. I would say the younger the better as they adapt well. You can both parent still and they will see happier parents.

Agree seek advice from a solicitor you should get an hour free consultation. Use the entitled to benefits calculator to see what you would be entitled to claim. Your partner should be able to get council accommodation so don’t worry about that. Why do you think you will have to pay child support? If you have the kids majority of the time then your partner will pay you (although I know you say they don’t work). If it’s 50/50 you won’t pay. If they have the kids more than you then you will have to pay them.

take it from me as someone who was so desperately unhappy for years. I am now divorced, have a whole new life and trust me when I say life could not be better. You don’t deserve to live this unhappy, do what is right for you. You only have one life you don’t want to live a miserable existence

You do have so much love to give, and you deserve to find someone who you can give it to, and they can in return. It’s hard right now but it gets so much better. I remember I used to cry in the shower thinking is this what the rest of my life will be like? It was my ex husband who ended things but I am so glad he did, even tho it was a shock at the time I can see now it was best for us both. We have both moved on to happier relationships.

The kids will be ok, they are amazingly resilient. It will be an adjustment for sure but 2 happy parents apart is better than parents together and miserable xx

You won’t have to pay maintenance for the kids unless he has them more than 50/50 if you are in the uk. Also it’s suprising how many people can get their shit together career wise when they lose their safety net of their partner.
it sounds like you marriage isn’t meeting any of your needs. You are allowed to be happy, your kids will adjust as they are still young. Life is too short to be this unhappy in my view. Go and see a solicitor for a free or fixed fee first meeting to get an overview of the process and likely outcomes.

interested in where you’ve go to. I am also preparing for leaving but really unsure how to start the process

Can I PM you?

Yep x

Try marriage counselling first, see if it is worth saving. Divorce should be the last resort. I believe all marriages can be saved when two people in it change and adapt to each other.