Is it possible to have NOTHING to do with child's school? If only one parent?

[tamagnochi]

I dislike the teachers/staff after having worked there and being mistreated/bullied... DH is dealing with everything.. I feel uncomfortable..

It’s a bit shit for your child imo.

@tamagnochi I agree with PP. You are letting your child down and setting a bad example. You need to show that despite previous bad experience you are stronger and more mature and can behave on a civil and appropriate way.

Yeah I guess it’s fine if H can cover everything.

Although I would suggest you try and overcome your turmoil and try and put yourself in the mindset that you are just another parent and you communicate with the school for your child(ren). Nothing more nothing less.

You don’t make friends with teachers you just communicate with them, and as we all would take a bullet for our kids, talking to school staff, regardless of history, is just that.

If it helps you are giving them too much head space and power over your actions they won’t be thinking about you as you are them. So screw them basicaly.

If you have fear of repercussions on your child could you move them. Otherwise you need to take a deep breath and rise above it whenever you need to. You don' t have to like them , just be matter of fact .

Please at least turn up for his nativity play

In all honesty I’m curious why you sent DC there after your experience. Being bullied is awful and I’m really sorry that happened to you but tbh I wouldn’t send my kid there if I knew that was what is going on. Miserable staff won’t be effective in dealing with children and if there is a bullying culture then some staff will be miserable.

But in answer to your specific question, tbh no I don’t think you can avoid completely. Particularly if your DC is little. You will also miss out on a lot of the nice part of having small children yourself if you don’t engage.

I think it's fine if one parent is thenprinary contact and deals with all the day to day stuff, that often happens by default anyway, usually mother, but fine if it's Dad.

I don't think you can say you'll never go to anything though. What about school performances etc.

I do wonder why you'd leave your child there though, if it's that bad.

What do you mean by having nothing to do with them? Do you mean you just leave any necessary communication to your DH? If so, that seems fine. No reason why he can’t do it. If you mean you refuse to go to parents’ evening or a nativity, then I’d say YABU.

Either the school is shit, in which case try and find an alternative OR you grow up and stop making it about you.
Its good that your child has one parent that can engage with the school but your DC may want both parents there sometimes or your DH may not be able to do something and you will need to.
As a SAHM I did around 90% of school stuff but if I couldn't DH did it and sometimes he did it because he/the DC wanted him to

What do you mean by nothing? Does your child's school expect parents to be particularly involved? You don't have to bake cakes for the bake sale or be on the P&C. But at least one parent needs to sign permission slips for excursions and, ideally attend a parent & teacher meeting once or twice a year. If your DH does these, that's fine; after all, no one questions when it's always a child's mother who does absolutely all the work.

Are you able to talk to your child (and vice versa) about their school day? That's really important.

Is the staff behaviour poor/bullying towards children as well as each other? If so, I would consider moving your child, if possible.

Is it primary or secondary?

There tends to be more input wanted at primary level from parents - so I'd be more inclined to want to move - though how pratcical that is depends on location and if there are places.

Secondary - well we have a less than ideal relationship with DC secondary management after their treatment of older child - caught in many lies - but at teacher level and head of year not had an issue - and will still step up with manangement if needed - hasn't been so far - as will DH by being professional and preferring e-mails.

We couldn't move remaining child as already started GCSE plus no local places in their year group and as a teen they weren't keen on moving away from friends - lately the schools put huge pressure on them to stay for sixth form which they don't want to do - which is a relief.

If the other parent a point of contact with school I think that's fine and frankly normal - but if you can't face performaces being in audience or attending p/t meetings if needed as sometime main contact can't be there - then that's more an issue.

If you hate the staff and they treated you so badly, why on earth would you send you child to the same school?

But if it's primary school, I think you are being unfair to your child if you disengage entirely. Every primary school kid wants their Mum to go to plays and concerts, most would want them at parent evenings etc. What are you telling your child to explain your complete absence? Many would interpret a constant no-show with a lack of interest, concern or care for them from their parent.

I just mean all communication and drop offs etc., DH said happy to take this on.. I usually do everything/comms/school related.. happy to hand that over..! Of course I would be at performances and parents evening etc.,

Honestly don't see an issue then - DH can do drop off and communication just fine.

In the nicest way, you need to get a grip.

You don't have to be friends with the teachers but you do need to effectively communicate with them and attend school plays etc.

So you’re not going to do a single school run?

I agree it does have bad memories for me though so will need to put that aside

It's very clicky environment but I think most schools are

Most of the staff who were shitty to me are still there

This happened to me and no way in hell would I send my child there. If that's how they treated you, then they must treat other staff like that... and I know that I was not my best for the kids at that school because of the bullying. And also how on earth do these people with such little empathy/kindness treat children!?!?

Any way you can change??

I think you're actually doing your child a disservice by letting your discomfort at dealing with certain people prohibit you from being actively involved in their schooling to be honest...