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Original poster

Divorce & custody

10 replies

TheWarySwan · 12/03/2025 22:52

Hi ladies,

I am looking for advice. My husband and I have been together for 8 years (2 years married). He has recently told me he is desperately unhappy and doesn't think I've been good enough.

He has not yet left but he keeps threatening to leave and won't tell me where I stand. I would like to try to work through our problems and save the marriage but he seems to have checked out.

We have two children (aged 6 and 3). My main concern is custody. I work part time 3 days a week and I have the ability to change my hours to work with school hours. He works long days and wouldn't be available for school pick up etc. He has a child from a previous marriage (he left when child was very young, child is now 7). He tried to maintain a relationship with his son but due to a strained relationship with his ex wife, he gave up in the end and no longer sees his son. He has not seen his son since he was 3. Will the courts take the fact that he has a history of not fighting for a relationship with his son into consideration? I think he would try to go for 50/50 custody despite the fact that he wouldn't be able to dedicate the time needed to the kids. He would be very reliant on holiday clubs and wrap around care.

Just looking to get other people's thoughts? How would a court view this situation?

OP posts:
MuckFusk · 13/03/2025 03:55

Odds are they would not look at his history with his son. It would not be considered relevant to his ability to co-parent with the other kids. He may go for 50/50, but given his history, he probably won't keep up his 50%. This sounds like a man who gets bored, blames it on his wife and dumps his family. I do not believe he tried that hard with his son and neither should you. He's sold you a line of baloney on that IMO and conveniently blamed it on his ex. Are you seeing the pattern here with him laying blame?
If he doesn't hold up his end of 50/50, keep meticulous records of that to be used to get custody reassessed. Also, there may be another woman involved. There usually is with a partner who is suddenly "desperately unhappy" and says it's all your fault.

McSpoot · 13/03/2025 04:05

Assuming that there are no typos, the OP would have been the other woman involved before (child from that marriage is now 7 and she's been with him for eight years), so might be a pattern there.

Original poster
TheWarySwan · 13/03/2025 06:41

Apologies - that is a typo, we have been together roughly 7 years not 8. He left his previous marriage and son when he was a baby.

OP posts:
redphonecase · 13/03/2025 06:42

If he wants 50 50 he'll have to find and pay for all the childcare on his time...

laura1085 · 13/03/2025 06:45

They won't care about the history, no.

They won't care if he has to use wrap around clubs or childcare on his time.

Original poster
TheWarySwan · 13/03/2025 06:46

Can I ask why they wouldn't care about the history? A man who has shown his lack of commitment to his child won't count for anything?

OP posts:
laura1085 · 13/03/2025 06:50

TheWarySwan · 13/03/2025 06:46

Can I ask why they wouldn't care about the history? A man who has shown his lack of commitment to his child won't count for anything?

You were okay with it when it suited you though OP? You must have been pregnant within months of him leaving his baby.

Anyway. No, they won't care. It's nothing to do with the current situation and your current children. All they will care about is if he wants to have the children, and the children are safe with him.

It's normal for parents to use wrap around care and holiday clubs, it's not a reason to not have shared care.

MuckFusk · 13/03/2025 17:45

TheWarySwan · 13/03/2025 06:46

Can I ask why they wouldn't care about the history? A man who has shown his lack of commitment to his child won't count for anything?

They are not going to make predictions about what he might do based on him not seeing his child from another relationship. He might do a lot of things, but you have to wait until he does them for the legal system to get involved. This is about your case and your case alone. Even if they would take it into account, he had you believing it was the ex's fault, right? He could just use the same excuse and you couldn't prove he was lying.

2025willbemytime · 13/03/2025 17:48

You've not been good enough?

I hope you're divorcing him and getting therapy. All sorts of reason why you need it..

He wants 50/50 so he doesn't have to cough up but he's threatening it to scare you. Just say ok and carry in with your life. He won't see them soon enough.

MuckFusk · 13/03/2025 17:50

laura1085 · 13/03/2025 06:50

You were okay with it when it suited you though OP? You must have been pregnant within months of him leaving his baby.

Anyway. No, they won't care. It's nothing to do with the current situation and your current children. All they will care about is if he wants to have the children, and the children are safe with him.

It's normal for parents to use wrap around care and holiday clubs, it's not a reason to not have shared care.

Show quote history

I have to say I agree with this to some degree. It does seem like she's conveniently ignored his lack of interest in the child until now. However, the mitigating factor is he did lie to her and say the ex made it too hard for him. Hopefully now she sees that this is someone who blames others for his failings, so he won't be able to fool her in future.

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