Mother in law

[alexis97]

Hi everyone,

I used to have a fantastic relationship with my mother in law. We used to see each other all the time, we got on so well, she was so kind and supportive of me.

Over the years myself and my husband have had 2 children that we adore and she loves them so much, she's a great grandma and we're lucky our littlies have such great family.

But since we have had our children she is so critical of me, I can't do anything right, constantly explaining myself to her. I got postnatal depression and she completely changed towards me like I had done something wrong, constantly coming over telling me if there was a pile of clothes or something trivial that I needed to sort it out, that I need to crack on, no support from her, I then had my other little one and she told all our family including my husband that she's surprised im handling it so well, keeping everything on top of etc.

Recently ive discovered after a lovely flare up I have hypermobility syndrome, it's caused me to have a few days off here and there and ive for a meeting coming up which is a stage 3 but I have been told they will be putting in OH and risk assessment because they don't want to lose me because I'm a fantastic employee. I confided in her this morning and I wish I didn't because she kindly sat infront of me and told me she knows I don't like to work and im going to get sacked. I work every hour under the sun I can at the moment and more because our work place has recently lost half the workforce (nursery) and we are struggling, stress can cause these flare ups and my god it's been stressful. She just made me feel like crap, im already worried about the meeting and she was just mean. I love my job and I really do pull my weight despite my disability.

Ive supported this woman so much due to her struggles, and her son and his health issues as of recent. I'm a great wife and I've never done anything to her apart from out a few boundaries in here and there about decisions with my children but it feels like when I stick up for myself this upsets her. I'm always going the extra mile for her but I feel like she uses my health against me sometimes, like she has a problem with it. I do my best, my children are thriving because I put my all into raising them. I have a SEN child who is thriving because I've worked with sen for 8 years and have supported her and a beautiful little boy who is also thriving. I just don't know why she's changed towards me the way she has and it hurts, but when I talk to her about it or we argue it just makes it worse.

What does your husband think of his mother’s behaviour towards you?. He is key here .

its not your fault his mother is the ways she is and you did not make her that way either.

Drop the rope here when it comes to his mother and put her on a strict information diet going forward. Stay away from her snd keep the kids away from her too. It will not do them any favours to see their mum
being so disrespected by their nan. She cannot be trusted with anything other than to put the boot in with you. She is a taker and you’ve been all give. Such nasty people see that as weakness and take advantage of it.

Do not let her nasty bullying words stay rent free in your head. Your employers are prepared as they should in law be to make reasonable adjustments re you and his mother knows nothing.

My husband in the nicest way is a mummy's boy, I have to really get upset for him to advocate for me. She wanted to take our little one who has suspected ASD to a shepherds hut in the middle of nowhere for 3 days and to Canada for 10. I told her I was not ready for this and my little one wouldn't manage either, she is preverbal and is very attached to me im her person if that makes sense? She'd crumble being away for these times and she is an escape artist. She loves a handle or a key. overnight she is okay for one night or so, Because I said no she flipped, she was horrible but I stood my ground, husband agreed at first and then tried to make me cave, I didnt. But whenever I say she doesn't like me or doesn't support me, he says she doesn't know how to or how to approach these situations. She's a line manager in her job so I hope she doesn't treat her staff with no empathy. It's a deflating scenario.

She sounds utterly hideous. Pull right back from her and leave all contact up to your DH. Don't be alone with her and don't tell her anything that she can just twist to blame you.

Ask your DH how he would feel if your parents mocked and belittled his health problems. I would feel very let down and betrayed by him to be honest.

Your H is utterly pathetic. He is putting his mother before you and your children. How do you stand it?

His inertia when it cones to his mother hurts him as well as you, is he afraid of her or is he seeking her approval even now?. He likely needs therapy re his mother.

Stay well away from her and tell her nothing about your life or of importance going forward. If he wants to maintain a relationship with his mother he can but that does not mean you have to do so. And what was she thinking or on when she was wanting to take your child to some shepherds hut and Canada for 13 days?. Sounds like she wants to play at being mummy again with your child.

As others suggested, stay away from her, she is a spiteful bully who has DH wrapped around her finger.

When DH suggests you see her tell him you will not be seeing her any time soon. Keep phone calls from her to a minimal/block her number.

She will soon cotton on she has upset you.

As per usual on these threads your spineless husband is the problem.

Pull right back. he can communicate with her. Don't tell her a thing.