What to make of our conversation?

[Hopee25]

Hello mumsnetters.

don’t really know where to start with this, right now I just feel I need to talk my heart out to someone. And need advice, really.

So me and my husband have been married for 15 years, loved each other to bits.

3 years ago we had our daughter and that’s when everything started. We live far for family (both from abroad) so our daughter was our main priority without any help in the last 3 years. No date night, no time for our self’s. We argued a lot over the last few years I won’t deny.
then in 2023 I lost my mother, that obviously was a very hard time for me but our daughter was my main priority so I managed to cope and gotten better with time.

Then in 2024 july my husband lost his job and we struggled even more, (banking) he had a well paying job, he says he lost a big part of him. Still hasn’t been able to secure a job as the job market is so tough, he is trying soooo hard. :(
Then 2024 August he loses his father. At this point we are broken people. He is doing better but his job situation isn’t resolved still affecting him.

Our relationship never been this low. Couple of months ago I saw him watching FB reels of women in provocative ways. I told him it hurt me and seem to have stopped.

Yesterday, for whatever stupid reason I brought it up again, (I had lots of silly thoughts in my head that day, mainly because our relationship isn’t what it used to be after all that happened to us)
we had a very long, deep conversation about us, everything last night.

He is very loving one minute then snappy the next. He told me he loves me, but his attraction has lessened, more like he resents me, we still have sex so it’s not that, he can’t imagine another woman besides him, he misses us as a couple, we used to travel together a lot) (obviously our daughter became our priority)

This hurt me soooo much I don’t know what to do with this statement. He says I’m a beautiful woman like I was when we met and I shouldn’t compare myself to those women he used to watched. I just feel like I need help understanding this.
any advice, suggestions would be very much appreciated ❤️

Sounds like you are both very unhappy. You have lost sight of yourselves and each other. If you feel that there is still love there then perhaps a full reset is needed. Do you work? Him being out of work for so long will have a huge impact on his wellbeing.

I wouldn't focus on being hurt by very specific actions, jeep conversations about the type of life you both want to build together and what steps you need to take to get there.

Marriage counselling, if you think there’s enough there to be saved.

He can't get any job at all? What is he doing with himself? I assume he's taken on the bulk of the housework and childcare since he's not working.

Is he depressed? Has he been to the GP or had bereavement counselling?

I assume you have family though you live far away, is there no possibility of your daughter staying with family now and again so you have time to yourselves and a break? Is there no reputable babysitter available?

@Hillrunning Thank you, I feel like we love each other deep down but so much has happened to us we lost ourself as you said and each other.

@FurzeNotGorse deep down we love each other I know