Hurting - broke up with partner

[HeidiHi25]

Hello, how long does heartache last? I was with my partner for two years, my first relationship since becoming a Mother, my Son is now 6 and I'm 43.. My ex left when I was pregnant. I entered into this relationship when DH was 4.
Everything was perfect, he had two sons, we all got along and was looking to move in together.
However, it would mean I would have to relocate as he made it clear he wouldn't (approx 1 hour journey on a good day).
I'm mortgage free and have a good job, I sold my house and we put a deposit on a new 4 bed new build.
I asked him how much he was getting to put towards our new house, he said not alot, around £6k, I was putting my 240k (protected). I questioned this over and over, and on day of the sale he said the figures are in and he got £9k but had to pay 3.5k to his Dad after borrowing. He sold his house and spent some time at mine, I found a mortgage statement saying he was getting 20k from the house and his wife 30k, this letter was dated before I asked him.
I tackled him over it and he said he had a debt to pay, but I repeatedly asked if he had any loans.
I pulled out of the house and cancelled the sale of mine.
He's been living with his parents since, as he's waiting for his flat to go through.
Since then, I've not been able to forget how he was so dishonest, maybe embarrassed who knows.
Everything since then niggled me and we've now broke up with me looking the baddie.
I feel like I've robbed my son of a proper family and now we're left alone again and he has no male role model, it's all my fault. I could have just swept it under the carpet and put it down to him being embarrassed about the debt.
I feel really heartbroken, I've lost his family and broken mine.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. Stick to your guns. Dishonesty is not a foundation for a relationship. Honestly, you putting in $240k vs his measly $6k or so is not a good start either.

You've totally done the right thing, he sounds like a compulsive liar...wouldn't surprise me if he ended up a cocklodger

You absolutely have not robbed your son of anything. You and him are a proper family, just the two of you. You can find much better role models - family, friends, teachers, sports coaches - than your ex.
It's really, really hard grieving the ideal of a "perfect" family and I think we're conditioned to try and find it if we're single mothers of very young children, but I've been a lot happier since I decided not to try and do this. It doesn't meant I wouldn't be open to a relationship at some point, but I'm not expecting to find someone to blend families with. It's been really difficult though. Be gentle with yourself and surround yourself with friends x

Thank you, he had the opportunity to put more in, it was going to be at least 3 months before the move and his wages would have topped it up. I don't doubt he loved me but he didn't need to hide what he got for the house.

I need to think of all the negatives, I would be relocating, hardly see my elderly parents. It was all one sided and his side wasn't it. But he did get in with my son. Oh it's hard, I'm off work today, dont feel upto it.

Yes, absolutely dissapointed in him.

He was absolutely trying to take you for a ride. Just because he loved you, didn't mean he didn't want to benefit from you.

You did the right thing, even though it hurts a lot. You have financial stability now. At your age, if you'd split up and he'd taken half, you would not have time to get yourself into this position again.

YOU are there for your son. This man, while he may have seemed lovely, was a user. That is no example to set for a child.

Thank you. You are right, I'd also be left up there isolated. This site is helping.

Longterm you have definitely done what is right for your son. You two are family . You don't need a big family for him to be happy. Or a step dad.
This just gives you more time to focus on fun adventures with your 6 year old.

They grow up so quick .

Thank you, we adventure alot my son and I, he was holding that back too.
You're right - thanks again.

You're sad for what you wished the relationship to be, not what it was. He repeatedly swerved the discussion about money, that wouldn't have changed if you stayed together would it?
If you did, sweep it under the carpet, you would be continuing to sweep stuff away to ensure the relationship survived.
Your dream of a good relationship isn't the relationship you actually had, there were lies and mistrust. Not good for any of the kids to be involved with.
There was a huge difference between money going into new relationship, which isn't the worst, but if it's not talked about openly it can only lead to problems.
The relationship your looking for is still out there

Well done on cancelling house sale/purchase!
Most people would think it's too late or just try and make it work. You, are the role model your son needs, take pride in that.

Thank you, the chain collapsed and I had fees to pay but it was the right thing to do, the hurt of what I dreamed of will ease I'm sure, just currently hard.