Need help leaving my abuser (baby involved)

[F7548]

I can’t believe that I’m ended up in this situation. To keep it short, DH turned controlling during pregnancy, would get upset for no reason, twist my words to make me doubt whether I go crazy, argued about absolutely everything, starts arguments out of nowhere and when I want to talk to him calmly to sort it, insists that ‘it’s fine’ and ‘I’m not upset’ when he obviously is and gives me the silent treatment.
We have a 6 months old baby.

• How can I leave? I’m ok financially on my own but I’m scared that he might hurt me when I say I want to leave (he never was physical before)
• Im scared he might hurt the baby. He’s usually loving with our son, but when he gets upset he turns into a completely different person. He will ignore our baby and is rough with him when interacting eg. changing him.
• Im pretty sure he’d do something stupid when I have the conversation with him, at the very least he’d grab the baby and storm out, and then I’d be worried sick.
• He’s not from this country and could take the baby out of the country if things came to a head.

I think it’s just too dangerous to leave, either way he will have some sort of access to me and the baby and I can’t be sure that we will be safe. But I’m not sure if staying is safe either. What can I do?

Whose house do you live in?
Call women’s aid?
call police - non urgent number for advice?
get a passport for your child and hide it. Think you can do something to restrict travel for the child by the parent if unauthorised.
stay strong and leave.

First of all, well done for recognising this and making plans to get out. With the news today we know how clear it is you need to get out and make a plan to stay safe.

When you say another country, is this a country with the hauge convention? Either way you can call 999 and issue a port alert if he takes the child and you are worried he will leave.

Do you have real life support? Family, friends who could take the baby? Somewhere to move?

Do not tell him about leaving. Go see solicitor and let them serve papers.
Can you go stay with family so you are not around when he finds out.
You must not be alone with him once he knows you are divorcing him.
Take advice from women's aid.

All the best.

If you ring the health visiting service or social services they would be able to signpost you to support to keep yourself and the baby safe xx

Hi OP,

Well done for realising you need to leave for your sake and the baby's. Really well done!

First things first, contact Women's Aid, they can give you lots of advice.

I'd also access an IDVA. Google IDVA and your town/county and you should find information. Or ask women's aid when you speak to them. And IDVA is an Independent Domestic Violence Advocate. They provide safety and emotional and practical support. They will all know that the risks when leaving are high and give you guidance.

Please keep coming back here for advice and support x

Do you have friends and family to confide in? Do you feel comfortable to confide in them? Do they live close and would they support you?

Don't make any move to leave until you have a clear plan for how to do this with advice from a domestic violence specialist. This is to keep you safe. Except of course if things take a turn and you need to flee for you and your baby's safety.

Speak to the health visitor too, even if it's been a while since you've had contact. You are entitled to their support until your baby is 5 years old. They can signpost and support you.

Thank you everyone who’s replied so far xx