Dating for 2 months and he doesn't try anything with me.

[HMD1985]

Ok such a strange one. I've been dating this guy for 2 months. Really lovely, genuine and funny guy. About a month in, kissing went a little further and I ended up giving him oral sex.

Since then I have done it quite a few times, but he has never initiated anything back for more than a couple of minutes. We have been close to sex, however then he just goes soft and doesn't persue anything.

I know he is body conscious and doesn't have a lot of confidence. I have tried to talk to him about it, and he only said he puts a lot of pressure on himself to please me.

I just can't get my head around the fact he leads me to what he wants and is so affectionate and caring, but then doesn't seem bothered for the fact we haven't had full sex and he hasn't returned the favour.

I know a relationship isn't all about sex I get that, however I just can't work him out. He's so good in all other areas and is so affectionate with me. We have spoken openly about other things and I really want the relationship to progress but it does affect my confidence and self esteem as he tells me how attractive I am and how I turn him on, but doesn't seem to act on it.

Please help.

Gay

Ffs why are you doing that? Stop being desperate and dump him. Jesus Christ. You do know you’re risking throat cancer for a guy that clearly isn’t into you?

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

Why do you want this relationship to progress?. Be honest with yourself here. Do you have rescuer and or saviour tendencies?. You cannot help anyone who does not want to be helped here and besides which you are too close to be of any real use to him.

End this relationship. You do not owe him anything. You need a partner, not a project and he will merely drag you down with him. He is in no position to be in a relationship with anyone.

Relationships should not be such hard work honestly and this is only two months in. Another 6-12 months of this will only harm you emotionally and leaving you feel like a shadow of your former self.

Throw this one back. Who knows what his problem is -- definitely don't make it your problem. Just end it and find someone who likes good sex with a partner.

I'd be bored waiting by now, there is plenty more men that can have sex, it's likely to be an ongoing issue with him

Oi! Are you allowed to say that?

JFC - what on earth are you doing wasting your time pleasuring a bloke who doesn’t give a shit about you?

Sorry but where’s your self respect? No way should you be giving endless bj’s to a bloke who gives you nothing back.

Are you very young OP because this is pretty basic stuff

He says he puts pressure on himself to please you... Yet he does nothing of the sort!

End it. If you're thinking it will magically get better - it won't. Who knows what his issue is, but I highly advise you don't take it upon yourself to be his therapist and try to figure him out and fix him.

Believe it or not OP, it's not actually your problem.

This sounds like a problem he is very familiar with, and also sounds like he’s not very willing to put any effort into changing it….so it would seem he’s happy with the status quo.

He suggests it’s performance anxiety which is a thing, but it could easily be any number of things really.

Yes there is more to a relationship than sex, but if sex is an important part of it for you then this situation just won’t do! It’s already eroded your self esteem and that will only happen more as the situation continues.

He is never going to be more motivated than than he should be right now to get this situation sorted, if he isn’t motivated at this stage then I’m sorry to say that he is never going to be! In my opinion he’s just waiting and hoping that you will come to accept the status quo.

My advice would be to seriously think about this, and to consider if this is a situation you are prepared to accept for the long term? If not then it’s time to call it quits, as sad as that might be and even though he might be great in other areas, he’s just not enough for you, and that’s ok!!! No need to feel guilty for wanting a sexually compatible partner, no need for feeling guilty for wanting your needs met too, it’s doesn’t make you shallow either in case that’s a concern you are holding on to, it’s perfectly natural to want and desire a healthy sex life and especially in the early days of a relationship.

I can’t imagine a world where I’d initiate a blow job before having sex, it’s so intimate.

Chuck this one back.

Agree. Or giving endless blow jobs without getting plenty of oral back. No chance

Op - why would you want this relationship to progress? You need to expect more than 'lovely, genuine (what does that even mean) and funny' . You can get lovely and funny from friends women but a million times better. But instead for sone unfathomable reason you've gone for someone who damages your self esteem, because he is in possession of a penis - a flaccid one which is of no use to you.

You need to examine what in your history is making you persue this need to 'help' someone who is damaging to your self esteem.

Having dated for the last 12 years, my experience is that a significant proportion of the men I ve dated are not particularly turned on by women (estimate 5%). Some identify as heterosexual and some as bi, they enjoy the flirting and dating, hugs and kisses, but not PIV sex.

Its not fair on the female partners.

Also my 46 year old uni friend seperated from her husband and father of her 3 children 4 years ago and he has recently come out as gay. There was a reason their sex life was always unfulfilling. She is fuming, after spending 25 years of her life with him and never having a decent sex life or feeling wanted.

I think there is a possibility that this guy might not be turned on by women.

Don't waste your time OP, break away gently, you can be buddies. Find someone who can't wait to pleasure you.

@HMD1985 have tried to talk to him about it, and he only said he puts a lot of pressure on himself to please.

He doesn't, this is all BS and gaslighting. He hasn't made a single attempt to please you, he hasn't even asked what you like in bed FFS! Why hasn't he asked at least? Answer: He's not interested.

No woman should be with a man who a) needs a thread opening after two months (you're supposed to be in the honey moon stage! and he sounds like torture and b) shows no sign of wanting to pleasure her.

Dump this one to the sea OP because he's got more red flags than a putin convention.

Surely OP if he was putting pressure on himself to please you but struggling to keep an erection , he’d have his head pretty much permanently buried between your thighs?

Hes bullshitting and wasting your time but ask yourself why you’re tolerating this?

Friend zone him

Yes.

He is painting a picture of how your sexual relationship will be with him: all take and no give. Throw this one back.

Bin him off immediately. What a prick; and a soft one at that.

Good. I'm always scared of saying the wrong thing and getting slated.

Stop anything sexual and call it a day.

There’s so many women on here living in sexless relationships.. Don’t walk into one with your eyes open to the problem from day 1

Why would he bother with anything more when you have shown you are happy to give bjs whenever he fancies? Raise your standards.

So he’s never even going to try to please you sexually. Not even try! Even if he’s gay - or impotent - if he cared, he’s still got fingers and a tongue, right?
You’re going down a one way street, time to make a turn. Now. The only things he’s going to fuck are your self esteem, self worth, understanding of what a relationship should be about.

This just reminds me of the Lily Allen song "It's not fair" - OP just end things already. You're 2 months in, it shouldn't be this hard (pardon the pun) work and you should most definitely be receiving as much as you are giving!

Mate, run, just run. He holds a lifetime of misery in his hands.