Name changed for this
I have a friend living with me and my husband, and I guess I would like some views on how to handle her being a bit unpredictable?
Just some facts, we are all 30-ish, so "proper adults" (I think I'm struggling with her behaviour as it seems a bit childish?), I'm from a European country, my husband is British and my friend is from far away, completely different culture. We all live in England.
Also some background is that I struggle a lot with anxiety, depression and social interactions, but mask it very well. I'm super happy with how I am handling it without medication and feeling a lot happier in myself the last few years, and my husband helps a lot, but I do not have the mental capacity to support my friend if that is what she needs.
So the story itself is as follows. My friend came to stay with us a year ago. She is an old friend of mine and our interests and viewpoints have always aligned very well, which is why we have stayed in touch despite of the distance.
She had told me she was unhappy in her home country as she felt more at home in Europe and asked if she could get a VISA and return to England would I be happy to see her. I said she could stay with us if she wanted, me and husband had just bought a house and any help with payments would be favourable, husband was 100% on board.
She is here on a 2-year non-extendable VISA, and from the start said if she has to go back to home country she might as well die. Gave her ideas such as look at other VISAs, return home and retrain to another profession, look at other European countries, date a little bit (not to cheat the system, but in two years you might meet someone you want to build your life with and spouse VISA might be an option) etc. No real response to these ideas.
Recently she has frustrated me a bit, for example constantly changing her mind if she wants to go out with us or not, to the point we had left the house and she called us, said she had changed her mind and wanted to go, and we had to drive back and collect her.
We will also plan the evening around a Saturday TV-show, get snacks and set the front room up, she will be super excited, then disappear upstairs and go to bed just before the show starts.
Husbands family live close by and we spend a lot of time with them, and I have heard from my MIL that she has been odd with them too! Wanting to discuss disturbing dreams, being rude to my BIL etc.
The other day we were out for a walk, me, husband, her, and the dog, and she calmly said that she wanted to get cancer, because the illness doesn't hurt, it's the treatment that hurts and she wouldn't get treatment because she wants to die.
I just don't want this in my life, it is too depressing. Being on the spectrum makes the constant change of plans a misery for me, we always give her options and tell her to be more open-minded, think of solutions not problems, we support with advice and CV-writing etc.
I don't want to say the wrong thing and push her into doing something rash, what do I do? Is there a service or organisation that could help, even if she isn't a citizen? Maybe even something like going to an open-minded church would help, to get a sense of purpose?