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Original poster

Friend always making jibes

12 replies

pussinboots61 · 10/03/2025 12:57

How do you deal with friends who are always making jibes and put downs?

I have a close friend who is always doing this but in a subtle way. The latest example is at the weekend when I had met a friend in town for a meal and she had gone walking with a friend from her walking group. That is not my scene but I never criticise what she does. When she messaged me later she said to me how lovely it was in the park and its far better than sitting in town, also that they found a good cafe but you have to walk 10,000 to get to it.

This isn't the first time she's done this. She's always got to make comments about what I do and I am getting tired of it. Do I say something back or is it better to just ignore her as she may be doing it for a reaction?

OP posts:
springintoaction321 · 10/03/2025 13:06

Sounds like she’s boasting? Not really a jibe as such..

Honeyroar · 10/03/2025 13:09

Bang it back at her. “Glad you had a good time. Jane and I had a wonderful meal in town. We were there for hours, just chatting and drinking wine in the sun. She’s such a lovely person. Always so kind.”

HangryBrickShark · 10/03/2025 13:11

pussinboots61 · 10/03/2025 12:57

How do you deal with friends who are always making jibes and put downs?

I have a close friend who is always doing this but in a subtle way. The latest example is at the weekend when I had met a friend in town for a meal and she had gone walking with a friend from her walking group. That is not my scene but I never criticise what she does. When she messaged me later she said to me how lovely it was in the park and its far better than sitting in town, also that they found a good cafe but you have to walk 10,000 to get to it.

This isn't the first time she's done this. She's always got to make comments about what I do and I am getting tired of it. Do I say something back or is it better to just ignore her as she may be doing it for a reaction?

I have a friend who does the same. It really drives me mad but I never say anything, I just let it go over my head. I know if I say something she'll just retaliate with " I'm only joking" but I know that it's said to have a go.

I just assume she's insecure.

Original poster
pussinboots61 · 10/03/2025 13:27

Thanks for your replies. I think I will throw it back at her about what a good time we had.

She does always brag about these walks and about how many steps she's done. Also I can't count how many times she's told me she's going on a spa break with another friend of hers this week, one I have not been invited to but then I am at work.

Last time I met her was during half term and she had a pop at me because I'd booked leave when the kids were off school and it was busy. She doesn't work by the way. I did respond then and told her I had to take the days leave before my new leave year starts or I would have lost it. She did back pedal then.

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 11/03/2025 07:45

I hear you, @pussinboots61 . Some people seem to have oneupmanship hard wired into them, every conversation is an opportunity to big themselves up. I can't be doing with it tbh - I limit my time with such people.

You say she's a close friend - have you known her long, has she always been like it?

MissSookieStackhouse · 11/03/2025 07:48

She sounds very tiresome. Why bother with someone who makes you feel bad, or tries to? I’d be backing away from the friendship.

Thighdentitycrisis · 11/03/2025 07:53

i have a close relative behaves like this, I think of it like compulsive competition. It’s really draining. Sorry, no advice

Zodiaclibra · 11/03/2025 08:36

Are you sure she means it as a put down? I know a few people who take others walking or running or doing sport as a personal insult. Probably because they are worried about their own level of physical activity or weight.
Only you will know the context to know if there’s a trend of her putting you down though, she could be but I don’t think it’s worth getting into a silly exchange of put downs with a friend over a step count.

Original poster
pussinboots61 · 11/03/2025 13:19

Zodiaclibra · 11/03/2025 08:36

Are you sure she means it as a put down? I know a few people who take others walking or running or doing sport as a personal insult. Probably because they are worried about their own level of physical activity or weight.
Only you will know the context to know if there’s a trend of her putting you down though, she could be but I don’t think it’s worth getting into a silly exchange of put downs with a friend over a step count.

Hi, no she is like this about other things too. She is very quiet but gives put downs in a subtle way but it's still there. She's done it for years.

OP posts:
Original poster
pussinboots61 · 11/03/2025 13:21

Walkacrossthesand · 11/03/2025 07:45

I hear you, @pussinboots61 . Some people seem to have oneupmanship hard wired into them, every conversation is an opportunity to big themselves up. I can't be doing with it tbh - I limit my time with such people.

You say she's a close friend - have you known her long, has she always been like it?

Yes she's always been a close friend. I've known her for about thirty years now. She wasn't like this at first but has been like it for some years.

What I don't understand is that, if she spoke to her other friends like this, I doubt they'd meet her as often as they do so I must be the only one she talks to like this. Her new walking group friends seem to enjoy her company.

OP posts:
notwavingbutsinking · 11/03/2025 13:29

One of the great mysteries of life that has been revealed by MN is the number of posts describing frankly awful, selfish, rude behaviour being tolerated from so-called friends, and the seemingly equal number of posts from women who sound intelligent and thoughtful yet are filled with sadness because of their lack of friendships. It baffles me that some women seem to be able to treat their friends so badly and get away with it, while other women really struggle with friendships despite treating people well.

LeaveALittleNote · 11/03/2025 13:35

I don’t mind oneupmanship or boastful behaviour, particularly. It’s a bit annoying but I can still be friends with people like that.
If she does make mean comments to put you down (your example sounded more like boastful stuff to me though) then I distance myself from the friendship. Mean comments and subtle digs are something that I just hate, and the kind of people who do this are generally insecure and jealous of their friends.

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