Looking for a friend really. Or some advice.
Iām 28, FTM to my beautiful girl who is 5m tomorrow š regarding my OH of 7 years / her dad, 32
I typed out a huge story at first with the ins and outs so Iāve tried to condense..
I donāt think heās ever cheated physically, but Iāve found messages to women in his phone. I can usually tell when somethingās off and heās being shady, in any circumstance - so I checked it.. Of course, I do think āwhat if I hadnāt checkedā.. but he claims he never would meet anyone. Idk. One was 4 years ago, which I had gotten over. Then one a couple months ago was an escort, š¤®. He says she was a masseuse and he found her on a massage website š¤£ makes sense as she didnāt seem too interested in her replies to him, I only saw a few as heād deleted them š¤£ got to laugh.. anyway he says he started flirting because we hadn't been intimate since conceiving, he was looking for a compliment.. yawn. Iām not thick, he defo knew what she was š¤£ anyway..
Some tell me to get away, others say it can be fixed, and it could be worse. We start couples therapy next week so weāll see what comes from that, good or bad.
I love him, heās my best friend. Iād be so alone without him. And I know he does love me, heās just a literal idiot. Iām trying not to make excuses for him but he really isnāt the full ticket.. Childish.
I know that really, I should leave, & if we didnāt have a baby then maybe I would. I will absolutely not take that stress and heartache again, (I know people say this and then they do, but no) so this really is the last chance - whatever happens, if he does betray me again, will be unforgivable and Iāll just completely cut contact until I heal and am able to co-parent. But Iām hoping it doesnāt get to that.
I havenāt thought about it in this much detail since it was really raw. I kicked him out for a week. He did actually say after reflecting, that he does love me, but he didnāt know if itāll work, that he doesnāt deserve me, he canāt love me how I deserve to be loved... I didnāt beg it, I just said it would be a shame to throw it all away, if they were just thoughts and messages from his impulsive alter ego (penis), and if he was willing to work on our relationship then we should try again.
Because I fear starting over, I fear being alone. I would really miss him even tho he does my nut in. I am just desperate for it to work out. Never imagined my child having separate parents before she even knows who we really are!
Has anyone any advice? š„ŗ