Looking for a friend really. Or some advice.
I’m 28, FTM to my beautiful girl who is 5m tomorrow 💕 regarding my OH of 7 years / her dad, 32
I typed out a huge story at first with the ins and outs so I’ve tried to condense..
I don’t think he’s ever cheated physically, but I’ve found messages to women in his phone. I can usually tell when something’s off and he’s being shady, in any circumstance - so I checked it.. Of course, I do think ‘what if I hadn’t checked’.. but he claims he never would meet anyone. Idk. One was 4 years ago, which I had gotten over. Then one a couple months ago was an escort, 🤮. He says she was a masseuse and he found her on a massage website 🤣 makes sense as she didn’t seem too interested in her replies to him, I only saw a few as he’d deleted them 🤣 got to laugh.. anyway he says he started flirting because we hadn't been intimate since conceiving, he was looking for a compliment.. yawn. I’m not thick, he defo knew what she was 🤣 anyway..
Some tell me to get away, others say it can be fixed, and it could be worse. We start couples therapy next week so we’ll see what comes from that, good or bad.
I love him, he’s my best friend. I’d be so alone without him. And I know he does love me, he’s just a literal idiot. I’m trying not to make excuses for him but he really isn’t the full ticket.. Childish.
I know that really, I should leave, & if we didn’t have a baby then maybe I would. I will absolutely not take that stress and heartache again, (I know people say this and then they do, but no) so this really is the last chance - whatever happens, if he does betray me again, will be unforgivable and I’ll just completely cut contact until I heal and am able to co-parent. But I’m hoping it doesn’t get to that.
I haven’t thought about it in this much detail since it was really raw. I kicked him out for a week. He did actually say after reflecting, that he does love me, but he didn’t know if it’ll work, that he doesn’t deserve me, he can’t love me how I deserve to be loved... I didn’t beg it, I just said it would be a shame to throw it all away, if they were just thoughts and messages from his impulsive alter ego (penis), and if he was willing to work on our relationship then we should try again.
Because I fear starting over, I fear being alone. I would really miss him even tho he does my nut in. I am just desperate for it to work out. Never imagined my child having separate parents before she even knows who we really are!
Has anyone any advice? 🥺