Marriage Breakdown and SEN children...

[Peachperfect]

Ita my birthday today. It's been the biggest shit show and ive cried and sobbed on and off all day because yet another thing husband has done that is so hurtful. He genuinely believes he is in thr right EVERY SINGLE TIME. And these are big issues affecting our marriage. Ive always stood by him, but today was just too much. After arguing and not being able to have am adult conversation, we have decided to end things. I am absolutely distraught and still crying we have 3 children all on the spectrum and incredibly family orientated. It's going to really affect them. What do I say,to them?

With 3 children on the spectrum, it's likely he is too. That must have been v hard to live with. Would it change the way you react if he was diagnosed or would it be the same?

But he needs to tell them and own the decision, not you. He is an adult.

it's fresh and raw, you don't have to say anything yet.
there are books, and you can always get some professional help to help you and the kids make sense of the situation.
i would frame it as a change in what the family looks like, that the love for the children will not change. that it will take time to figure some things out.

Ive suspected he has ADHD for a long time and he was diagnosed with it last year. Since he started the medication, he has become unbearable. Constantly moaning like an old man, being incredibly snappy and argumentative (I know adhd meds can do this - ive asked him to try a different medication because of this reason, but he won't because of course, I'm wrong and he is fine on the meds he is on) I was also diagnosed with ADHD last year and I suspect I also have ASD. Because of all this, I'm so overwhelmed and my mental health has taken a battering. Im trying to stay strong because no way will he explain its a joint decision, it'll definitely be "mummy's fault". If only they knew what he has put me throught the past 4 years....

Children don't need / want to know who is at fault. They will be distraught that the family is breaking up, they will want to know what it means for them. In time they will see the truth for what it is

You both need to put on your big person pants and determine (before you say anything):

• how you intend to run the family / live / what it means. Then...
• agree to be adults in front of the kids - and that means not sharing your dirty laundry
• even if you find out he is bad mouthing Mummy, you need to remain firmly in the adult space and never stoop to try and explain or blame him

Bastard husband is bastard husband-whether you stay or go he is always going to blame you for stuff. Just shrug your shoulders and model calm and acceptance for the children. Daddy is still daddy and mummy is still mummy but we will live separately from now on.