Friendship woes - feeling left out

[TheBlueRobin]

Can't tell if I'm looking for sympathy or a head wobble but keen to get other views. Feeling quite low about some of my friendships.

I've been part of the same wider group of friends since university, 10 of us all live up and down the country. We only usually all get together at weddings and manage one weekend away a year. As with any big friendship groups, there are smaller closer friendships. I have two close friends Elizabeth and Sophie. Sophie and I message daily. We used to live together and spent covid in a bubble together. The three of us have done things together like holidays and theatre trips as we have similar interests.

Now Elizabeth and Sophie are also close with Jane and Holly. I get on with Jane and Holly but not very close. Just saw on social media that the 4 of them had a weekend away together and just felt really rubbish. All of us were together last weekend at a wedding they didn't mention it? The four of them went abroad a few years ago and Sophie avoided telling me but was overly nice when she got back. There's definitely a secretive element there and they have their own WhatsApp group etc.

Also I caught up recently with Elizabeth and a few of the others in the group for lunch but that was because we lived within an hour radius, which some of the others wouldn't have travelled for. So I suppose that could be perceived as something similar?

I feel really silly for being so sensitive to this? I'm 31?

I had a few friendship struggles when I was younger and left out but I do know I have good friends from school, university, work, life that I should be grateful for. However a bit of me always feels like the person on the edge. Jane and Holly both have close family relationships and a wide group of close school friends too, which I don't have and feels unfair. I suppose there is some jealousy there I need to address.

Well... sometimes friendship groups change and evolve

Like you say you met for lunch with some of them and not others. There is always going to be times were a plan is made and not everyone needs to be involved.

There is 10 of you all together, it's hard to have tight close bonds with 9 others, usually it's a group of 2/3/4 out of the 10, this group must feel a closer affinity. I hear that younwere closer to the ones you bubbled with but they can also be close to others

In all honesty I do get your put out, but I also don't think everyone needs to always include a wider group in their plans all the time and should be allowed to have smaller more intimate groups without felling like someone must be invited and included just because. Then it would be all 10 of you involved and not just the 4 iyswim

I think you need to just accept it, wider your group of friends, get hobbies, form new relationships and also be more self assured in your own sense of self and not need validation or reassurance from the friends

I can see why you’re hurt as it’s the element of secrecy. Totally normal to feel this way. However there’s a big group there and not always easy to include everyone xx