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Relationships

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Relationship status "homeostasis"

3 replies

niadainud · 09/03/2025 21:14

I have noticed a phenomenon whereby people who would prefer to be in a relationship fall into one of two categories: they either remain single long-term with any forays into dating completely failing to get off the ground, or, regardless of whether they are widowed or divorced, they are back in a serious relationship within a year or two. In the latter group all relationships seem to naturally turn into committed partnerships. In the former group they never work out.

I have seen this time and time again amongst friends, family and acquaintances and, being in the former group myself, would love to know how to change things (although please, for the love of God, don't recommend on-line dating as if it's a new idea I won't have ever heard of).

I have been thinking about this as I recently bumped into an acquaintance who, the last time I saw her, had just lost her husband in a car accident. No sooner had I begun to ponder whether she had recovered from this shocking event and what state of mind she might be in, she told me about her new husband. Conversely, in the time that had elapsed since I previously saw her I've been on about three dates, none of which went anywhere.

Has anyone else noticed this?

OP posts:
niadainud · 09/03/2025 22:46

Just me, then!

OP posts:
JadeMember · 09/03/2025 23:58

Hi, just wanted to clarify, do you want to be in the relationship? If so how proactive are you about that? I do fall into your ‘later group’. I’m 43 and in the space of 23 years I had two marriages and two live in partners ( including current one ). So four long term relationships but some dating in between. All of my previous relationships were quite organic, meeting on the night out and started chatting. But I met my partner on line dating ( OLD) as I really can’t be bothered going out and chatting to random men as I did before. So the question again is, do you want to meet someone and what do you currently do about it?

Maitri108 · 10/03/2025 00:25

It's very difficult to generalise. Some people would drag a mop in a hat up the aisle as they can't be alone, some have bad luck and others fear intimacy.

If you want to meet someone, you have to go out of your way because they're not going to form an orderly queue outside your house.

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