Am so sad for my sister...

[primroseeee]

NC as this could be very outing.

I am feeling extremely sad for my sister. She is a couple of years older than me and has a DH and 1 DC. I am married also with 2 DC (not that this really comes into it but just setting the scene).

She would totally love another DC but her DH has said absolutely no way. They are in a bit of debt and he is saying that he wouldn't be happy at all if they were pregnant. He has a hobby which he does 6 days a week and is, in my opinion, quite self centred. He seems happy that my sis mostly looks after their DC and everything is under control that way and as he likes it. I think he knows if there was a second DC he would have to look after DC1 more and he doesn't want to do that given he's very busy with his hobby.

My sis has started saying "they" don't want another child anymore but I know her and I can see the pain behind her eyes. When I had my DC2 I knew it was bitter sweet for her.

I am angry that his lack of effort has resulted in my sis dealing with this reality. We come from a big family and I know she would've loved a big family herself. When my DC visit her house she is amazing with them and I know she loves to see her DC happy playing with mine.

How can I help her feel more at peace with the situation (and me)?
As much as I'm sad they won't be having another as I know that's not what she truly wants, I know it's probably for the best given their financial situation and her DH's attitude..

Ah I feel sad for her too.

i suppose she might be coming to terms with it/ have had counselling so the best thing is for you to keep quiet unless she comes to you for support

This is your sisters pain.
There's not much you can do to make it better for her, aside from the obvious. Be sensitive to her sadness, don't flaunt your happiness in her face, etc. But I'm sure you're doing that already.

You haven't caused any of her pain, nor are you responsible for it. It may impact how she feels around you, but she's allowed to feel that way. You can't make that go away. Just be there for her and be supportive, even if that means she has a hard time being around you. Have faith in her ability to handle her pain and in your bond as sisters.

Thank you, that's great advice.

There doesn't seem to be a lot under your control here unfortunately, apart from just being available to support her can you also try to foster a good relationship between your families and between your DC and hers? While its not in any way the same as having a sibling it may be good for her DC and her to feel part of a larger, loving family?

Your brother in law sounds like a dickhead. But it isn’t some terrible tragedy to only have one child (I say this as a mother of one, who wasn’t able to have more), and if you’re feeling it is, you might - without meaning to - end up communicating/ reinforcing that message to your sister. So I guess I’m saying, you’re clearly a very loving sister, and of course you’re sympathising with your sister’s situation - but don’t overdo the sympathy, even in your own head! Because that is probably not helpful.