Getting fed up with my mother

[fedupwithbeingignored]

I have hesitated about posting about this for ages now but I just need to let off a bit of steam, maybe others can join in/tell me I am awful

I am just getting really annoyed with my mother - basically I am fed up of her pretending to visit me and just spending every second cuddling DS.

I am so so pleased that she is a keen grandmother, both she and I didn't think she would be that type and I love how happy he makes her and seeing his face light up when she comes over is great, he gets so excited

I just feel that on a visit, after the initial hellos, there is a time to sit and chat, but she just doesn't listen anymore. She'll ask how I am, and when I begin to tell her - well I may as well talk to the wall to be honest, I have started trailing off sentences or just not answering and she hasn't even noticed. Why ask me in the first place if you don't care. I have a lot going on that I'm struggling with at the moment and she pretends to be this pillar of support but really all she does is ask for another coffee and play with my son.

Sometimes he will cry for milk and I'll say 'he is hungry, pass him to me so I can feed him' and she just won't, she'll say 'in a minute' or 'he's not hungry' and I have to sit like a spare wheel in my own house getting more and more tense.

I don't want her to stop or even reduce the amount of time she spends with DS - I didn't know my grandparents and I don't want that for him - I just wish she could remember that she has a daughter still.

I don't think she is trying to take over, she doesn't undermine me and is not fighting for DSs attention - she will say things like 'oh he can't stop staring at you, he loves his mum' - so it's not that I am insecure or that she is being grandmotherzilla - just ignoring me - maybe she doesn't like me.

I'm sure your mum likes you!
Is this her only grandchild? Is she on he rown - widow/divorced?
perhaps if another person could see to your ds for a while you could have a chat alone with your Mum and tell her you are struggling and need her help and support?

can't believe your post really

so your mum is there to love and adore your child and you're moaning.................

grow up, you don't come first now

ssd, the op knows she doesn't come first, she just wants to be ackowledged!

Ssd - Ouch! That's not nice.

Agree you should set some time alone with her...without baby being a distraction...maybe when you know he naps, preferably in another room so she can't be distracted by him being in the same room! And tell her how you feel. Afterall...she will want you to be a good mum...and she needs to support you in being that good mum so she can have a happy grandchild. For your mother...you should be coming first, not her grandchild. She had her time with you...and she is still needed by you...albeit in a different way than when you were a baby. Don't suffer in silence...

I guess you miss your mum a bit! She's still your mum after all and everybody needs a bit of TLC now and then.

Well, you know what, the novelty will pass when he starts throwing wobblies at around 2! And before then he'll not want to be held and cuddled and restricted. So it will get better.

But I have to say the refusing to hand him over to you is a real PITA. This happened to me a lot with my DS even when he was screaming. I'd be told he was fine. It hacked me off but I wasn't assertive enough just to take him. With DD, I just said, "Excuse me, but she's not fine. Thank you," and whipped her back whereupon she'd quieten instantly.

You'll just need to assert yourself a couple of times and little things like that will get better.

.

i think relationships change with a new baby. I reckon this is your chance to say 'im so glad you are here do you mind if i pop out to the shops/get hair cut etc' - you get to get some time to yourself/get jobs done etc

then reward your mum with a trip to the spa one day and then you two can chat just the two of you x

I felt something similar to this when ds1 was born. In fact I got quite jealous . Its easy to feel pushed out after you've been everyones center of attention whilst pregnant and far from being immature its all part of the process of adjusting to being a parent and realising dcs do come first, at least while they're little

Its important to remember that you have your ds 24/7 you mum only sees him for occassional visits and babies are fascinating.

Try:

1. When she's there use the time to get on with some housework (or pretend to and catch up on a book ). She'll either notice and perhaps realise she's leaving you out a bit or you'll get a bit of free time

1. Arrange to go out for coffee or lunch or just to the park with your mum. Being out of the house, walking about together with ds in a buggy will give you time to talk (she'll probably want to push him though )

1. Let your mum feed him while you make coffee/bake a cake/sit with your feet up chatting to her. If he's occupied she'll be more likely to listen to you

1. Invite her round of an evening after ds is in bed

Above all, be grateful she's there and loving your ds and if all else fails tell her you miss her and you need to talk/her advice on things. If she's anything like my mum she will looove that.

What a lovely problem to have and what a lovely mum she soulnds like, if a little distracted at the moment

hth

I realise I was being very harsh, apologies!

I've got no excuse, jusy a moody cow

enjoy your ds, its lovely when they are babies!

My mum was like this with all my kids

She knew when they were hungry/tired/sore/cudly etc more than I did, according to her.

There were a lot more problems, not just with my dc, but now we just dont connect any more.

In fact, we dont talk, she tried to be my kids mum more than I was.

Dont be afraid t tell her to f* off. It is your child, dont let her spoil it for you!