How do you prepare to leave?

[Penwell]

I know the marriage is over, I am fairly confident can deal with the emotional impact on our DS. I can cope with living alone and my salary is good enough to support us if I downsize I think. But how do people actually get there?

My DH won't move out and I am unsure I could support the current mortgage (260k with 15 years left) on my salary (57k) and I also have around 10k in the form of a loan and credit card debt.

I see people on here saying 'get your ducks in a row', but what does that actually look like. I feel so overwhelmed and it's almost like my mind just blanks out when I try.

I wish there was just a step by step instruction book I could follow. I am not in a rush to leave immediately but would like to have made progress and be ready to go in a year to 18 months.

I don't feel like I can try and salvage this marriage anymore. My DH isn't a terrible person but his mental health issues can mean that he can be incredibly hard to live with and I am tired of treading on egg shells, trying to protect my DS and be the clown, the support, the love and the safe space in this family. I feel like everyone relies on me but no one wants to ever take care of me for a change, even just for a short time and I am tired, and sad and lonely. Just so lonely.

Check out wikivorce and the Citizens Advice website, both have lots of useful information.

Get all the financial information that you can: pension, wages, investments, house price etc See a solicitor and find out where you stand.

Separate as much as you can inside the house including sleeping arrangements and finances.

Discuss childcare arrangements and maintenance. You can contact Gingerbread for advice.

If you think your husband is going to start acting out, then you need to sort out separate living arrangements.

You can find a therapist at BACP.

Your first step has got to be writing a list of questions and getting an appointment to ask a solicitor. 🙂 They're likely to advise you to stay put until the financial agreements are settled.

I think you'd probably look to sell up or for him to buy you out, and have a clean break financially.

Don't do anything silly like "letting him have" the house because you feel sorry for him or guilty, as you (and your dc) will have to live with the long term consequences of that.

U work overtime save the extra money talk to bank can you afford to buy out. I worked 7 days per week for salary to increase on p60 for affordability I then was able to get the extra to buy out. Childcare what's that gonna look like. Where would you buy what can you afford etc if selling. Be calm don't react on emotions

Thank you, for the advice. It still feels overwhelming, but others do it. In the long run it's best. I think I will start by speaking to a solicitor.

If you have pensions, order CETVs from each company. They can take months to come through and are needed for financial disclosure.

Advice now is a great website about form E and explains all the jargon.

Mediation is much cheaper than a solicitor