Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Man asking for photos

48 replies

CoalTit · 09/03/2025 10:12

A man in his late 30s asked for my number at a dance and I gave it to him. I am a lot older than he is and had accepted that I'd never have sex again.
He messaged a lot and asked to meet. I sent a rather unflattering photo of my face and a message that the photo was so he could think about whether he really wanted to meet someone my age.
He said he liked it when I sent him photos and could I send him more. I said no. He asked again, several times, the next day.
Does anyone know if this is usual? What do people do with the photos?

OP posts:
Original poster
CoalTit · 10/03/2025 10:01

I'm not asking for advice on whether to send photos. I said no to more photos.

OP posts:
Gymbunny2025 · 10/03/2025 12:16

Well he knows what you look like and he's not in love with you... so if you discount those 2 reasons...

I'd go with him wanting photos that lead to 'photos'. I think your approach to say no is the safest one!

In terms with what he would do with them- keep them for his own pleasure, share them with his mates, or post them online.

Loads of men prefer photos of real women than the freely available sexy pics on google. No idea why!!!! They're also not really fussy about what a women looks like weirdly. They'd get off on a photo of a woman even if they wouldn't want to have sex with her. Men are plain odd!

woodenfloorsmen · 10/03/2025 12:20

Just no(to dates, more photos) . Just block, fade him out, don't talk to him at dancing apart from neutral practical things if you have to. Focus on other people and things.

I agree with pps that even though men CAN get porn and photos for free online, some people get a kick out of ordering others to do things and getting them to agree.

He knows exactly what you look like if he's met you in person.

He may think as you're older you'll be desperate or vulnerable, and he can just use you as a text or chat buddy when he's bored and wants an ego boost and attention. He is probably putting a lot of effort into dating others.

Unless you yourself want a text only relationship (which some people do) there's nothing here.

If he saw you as an interesting person he respected, and was genuinely interested in friendship or a date he'd be making firm plans for an activity or coffee or whatever. That would be the only communication.

Fergalsharktale · 10/03/2025 12:29

CoalTit · 09/03/2025 20:25

Thanks for all the advice about what I'm doing wrong, but I was just asking if it's usual for men to be so keen for photos, especially when you've already met in person and he's asking to meet again.

Men are completely obsessed by all things sexual so not uncommon.

Original poster
CoalTit · 10/03/2025 20:23

I've had plenty of experience with sleazy, badly-behaved men, but the photo thing was new to me. I agree that it's a bad sign if I'm after anything serious, or even anything good.
I thought I might get the perspective of younger people or people who do online dating, but I'm getting a lot of scolding and unsolicited advice and people not noticing that this only happened because he tried to organise a date with me.

OP posts:
LetGoLetThem1234 · 10/03/2025 21:03

Okay @CoalTit why don't you ask him why does he want photos, given he's met you in person?

Yes it is certainly strange request, as you're not OLD or in any kind of dating scenario with this man.

The question I am curious to know the answer to is: do you want to send him more photos? 🤔

Original poster
CoalTit · 10/03/2025 22:03

The question I am curious to know the answer to is: do you want to send him more photos? 🤔
Absolutely not. I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear.

OP posts:
Gymbunny2025 · 10/03/2025 22:06

He's late 30s not a 'younger person'!

Original poster
CoalTit · 10/03/2025 22:12

why don't you ask him why does he want photos
I don't think I'd get a straight answer from him. The whole seduction-by-text leaves me cold, and the photo request has left me wondering WTF?
But he's a good dancer and far more attractive than anyone else who's asked me out lately, and I wouldn't mind sex with someone who doesn't get into the rest of my life.

OP posts:
SantasLargerHelper · 11/03/2025 06:53

When I was OLD, I did get a lot of interest from younger men. It was nice to go out with them, they were attentive and the age difference didn't seem to matter tbh. I had a lot of fun with them. I'm in my 50s and went down to 30. Could have gone younger as there was loads of interest from men in their 20s but that seemed too much of a stretch. So if you fancy him, and aren't looking for anything other than a fun fling, then I would say go for it and enjoy yourself.

category12 · 11/03/2025 07:06

How did he take the no?

Has he kept asking or taken it gracefully?

dontcryformeargentina · 11/03/2025 07:53

Go for a date. Why not? I also dance salsa and bachata and have been asked on dates by other dancers. Nothing wrong with that. The age difference is irrelevant here as he is 30 +. Picture swapping is quite common among 20 -33 age group. I don’t mean sexy pics only, any pics really. It’s usually done in a view once mode, so not stored on recipient’s phone.

Original poster
CoalTit · 11/03/2025 08:16

Picture swapping is quite common among 20 -33 age group. I don’t mean sexy pics only, any pics really. It’s usually done in a view once mode, so not stored on recipient’s phone.
Thank you. That's what I was hoping to find out by asking here.
I wasn't asking if I should go on a date or not, though.

OP posts:
GreyTS · 11/03/2025 08:47

How old are you @CoalTit is this man really that much younger??

Gymbunny2025 · 11/03/2025 08:55

CoalTit · 11/03/2025 08:16

Picture swapping is quite common among 20 -33 age group. I don’t mean sexy pics only, any pics really. It’s usually done in a view once mode, so not stored on recipient’s phone.
Thank you. That's what I was hoping to find out by asking here.
I wasn't asking if I should go on a date or not, though.

That's very different to what's happening here though. That would just be mutual selfie sharing on snap. No 'requests'

Original poster
CoalTit · 11/03/2025 10:25

category12 · 11/03/2025 07:06

How did he take the no?

Has he kept asking or taken it gracefully?

He took it gracefully

OP posts:
Original poster
CoalTit · 22/03/2025 06:45

Well, I went on a date with him, and he was rather charmless in real life. He was like a border collie with a sheep, abrupt and unsmiling, trying to get me to drink and to go back to his place with him. I didn't drink any alcohol, but I went back to his place, as I really wanted to have sex and it was on my way home.
He insisted on speaking English, which is not his first language, so I kept it simple, saying I really wanted to have sex with him but I was afraid he would have an orgasm first and leave me .... [I knew he wouldn't understand "high and dry"]. He sagged visibly when I said that, and said "I'm not an expert".
I should have left it there, but I was blinded by lust and I kissed him. We did some nice things, but he was awfully rough, and you'd have thought he had a plane to catch the way he was hurrying things along. So I left before anyone got their trousers off. He seemed quite annoyed, and has not messaged again.
I was seriously tempted to send a nude photo when I got home, surrounded by sex toys and identifiable by a mole on my chest. Instead I deleted his number just in case I get the urge again.

OP posts:
category12 · 22/03/2025 06:53

" I went back to his place, as I really wanted to have sex and it was on my way home."

This bit really cracked me up 😂

Sorry it wasn't the night you hoped for.

bifurCAT · 22/03/2025 07:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

jubs15 · 22/03/2025 07:09

That going back to his place situation could have gone disastrously wrong. Thank god he wasn't as insistent with having sex as he was with having photos. Just saying.

Original poster
CoalTit · 22/03/2025 21:23

jubs15 · 22/03/2025 07:09

That going back to his place situation could have gone disastrously wrong. Thank god he wasn't as insistent with having sex as he was with having photos. Just saying.

Oh, for heaven's sake, stop with the scolding and the fearmongering! He wouldn't have stood a chance.

OP posts:
jubs15 · 22/03/2025 22:42

My friend was raped in a similar very similar to yours. Next time you might not be so lucky and if you want to take that as scolding and fearmongering then so be it. You yourself said he was trying to get you to drink and go back to his house before being "awfully rough".

Original poster
CoalTit · 22/03/2025 23:55

jubs15 · 22/03/2025 22:42

My friend was raped in a similar very similar to yours. Next time you might not be so lucky and if you want to take that as scolding and fearmongering then so be it. You yourself said he was trying to get you to drink and go back to his house before being "awfully rough".

I'm sorry a man raped your friend. This man did not rape me. So your scolding is wasted here.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread