Stupid horrible crush

[Gracieshoo]

Where to begin...

I have a horrible, tragic, predictable crush on a work colleague. He's very handsome. He's 10 years younger than me, very happily married (as am I!!) and 100% never be thinking anything about me other than work-related topics.

But I have been thinking about him constantly for months. All of the time. We have to speak regularly because of work, one-to-one, and I spend my time trying to spot signs of interest that are NOT there. I recognise this, logically.
But can't stop.
Also, logically, I can see he's a bit of a flirt with other women and not really a nice person (he's pretty harsh with his staff and I know he once made a comment about a lady being too fat).
I feel shallow and stupid to be so drawn in.
I hate that every single day I'm waiting for his Teams messages to start up.
I hate that I think about him very, very sexually.
It's like I've been taken over by a weird force.
I despise myself.

How do I shift this?? Will it only go if I leave the job? I love my husband so much. Never have I had this level of attraction to someone before: it's horrendous
Any advice out there??

You haven't done anything wrong.

People will always be attracted to others.

As you say, these are only thoughts that you have and you have no intention on acting on them in reality - BUT I get it!

In my case, it was the start of perimenopause/fluctuating hormones. My libido increased rapidly.

Could this be the case?

Ah, it's just a work crush. It will pass and then you'll be horrified you even liked him!

You're in fantasyland and infatuated. Infatuation doesn't usually have a long shelf life, so ride it out until it's over. Just don't do anything. Don't be alone with him socially at any time. No lunches or drinks. No conversations about anything but work.
You'll look back on it and be amazed that you ever wanted him someday.

There's no such thing as bad thoughts, only actions talk.

It's fine, you're okay and it's normal.

It’ll pass. Don’t panic.

It will deffo pass and you'll wonder what an earth you were thinking.

I had exactly this before.
It was dreadful.
He was like yours, not very nice in reality and an asshole when he's drunk.
Can't handle his beer.

Good looking, though.
Has an eye for the ladies.
It took me moving to the far side of another continent to get over him.

Think he's still single.
Surprised he hasn't got anyone pregnant.
Loves to play the field and the ideal for him would be to be eventually married to a 19 year old who looks great in a bikini.

The scales will fall from your eyes, in time.

Limerance. It will
Pass. Try to picture him slobbing on the sofa at home or on the toilet or whatever, to make you realise he is just a man not this special being you have mentally built him up to be.

Wear a wide, strong elastic band around your wrist. Every time you have a thought about him, pull the elastic band out and let go and "snap" yourself hard enough that it hurts.

I'm not even joking.

Don't think about a blue elephant in a yellow jacket.

.....

Don't.

......

Is the jacket you're thinking of more of a blazer or a high viz?!😂

It's impossible to just will yourself out of a thought. Therefore my advice would be to

1. accept that it will go away in time as most crushes do that you don't act upon. I've had a crush take a good couple of years to piss off but it does eventually and when it did I was so happy I hadn't embarrassed myself.

2. work out the trigger. I don't man his sexy hair and his gorgeous stubble. The trigger relating to you. Is it the excitable idea of you being desired by someone you desire? Is it that you see yourself in a different light when with him? Do you like that version of you? Whatever it is try to create/recreate it in your actual real life with your lovely husband.

There's been a long-running thread on this recently, called I think "Mid-life limerence", with some very good advice. Even if you're not in "mid-life", it'd be well worth taking a look at it.
Good luck, OP. I'm a fellow "sufferer".

I agree with PP that I'm so glad I never acted on it.
It would have been ruinous for me.
And I would have looked like a complete fool.
He has a big mouth too - so he would have broadcasted it nationwide.