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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Parents in law moving close to us

1 reply

Annaclw · 08/03/2025 19:53

Parents in law currently live a flight away but they have decided they want to move because it's apparently cheaper here to get the house they want and because they want to be near their grandchildren).
I am so anxious about the move. We live near my parents already and they are very good about only helping when asked and not ever getting involved in our choices or plans.
PIL will want to see us as much as they possibly can. They are already offering to bring the dc to various saturday clubs but they are doing this to make our children like a carbon copy of their own children. I am so against this; they are our children and indeed their interests are NOT that of their father and uncle.

The problem is my Dh takes offence to anything I say about it regarding setting boundaries etc. It's like a personal slight for him. He will always take their side over mine and I am worried it is going to effect our already fragile relationship.

OP posts:
Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 00:09

Oh dear.

That doesn't sound like a great situation for you.

If your DH is not on board this may cause real marriage problems.

I'd just tackle the situations as they arise. Make it clear you've established your own lives and routines in their absence. Be polite and offer the odd alternative but make it clear you won't drop everything to let them swoop in and dominate.

Try your very best not to 'wind yourself up' and stew before they arrive - you'll make yourself feel rageful and end up waiting for them to make a wrong move so that you can pounce!

I'd try not to keep 'moaning' to your DH either. It just won't help and it'll cause an entrenched stalemate. Slag them off to a friend 😁

Just keep pushing back with unreasonable demands but remember to stay reasonable yourself. So for example , MIL "we were going to take Phoebe to this show on Saturday" you: "we have plans most weekends. I'm free Wednesday, pop over for a cuppa if you like - I'm free until 3pm" (elaborate example , but you get my drift)

Only tackle the big stuff and get your feelings out if you then get Push back from them.

You do need your husband on board to at least a reasonable level though. He's got to agree on where the line is.

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